April 6th, 2008

What if Cinderella only had one leg? She would have been totally screwed!

Doing laundry, emptying out my sock drawer to once again match up the socks with their long lost mates, discovering yet again that I have lost yet more single socks, I remember once again why it's great to date a one-legged man.

Not only do we get to park wherever we want--HIS socks don't have to match.

Contrary to the rumors, Context is not marrying a scurvy pirate.

pythos chronicles El Sexo Terriblo

QWP from bad_sex:

He undresses with vigor, pushing me down onto the bed, and I cringe a little at the contrast between his hairy belly and a pair of too-tight BVDs. We're in Chile, mind you, and tighty-whiteys never went out of style here.

But when the man-panties come off, the cringe turns into a full-blown flinch.
This is the smallest "man" I have ever seen, and here he is, pulling this dom/aggressor attitude like he's Rocco Sifredi's Chilean cousin.
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Tremoring with the poison of the previous night's libations, I look over across the wood-paneled floor and see... a kitten.
A kitten... eating a used condom.

...you've got to be fucking kidding me.

I groan and swipe at Pedro's cat, trying to snag the dirty latex from his teeth, but all I get is bitten. HARD. One more attempt, and the little fucker is actually drawing blood from me. And I am way too hungover for this.

I swear in English and roll back over into bed, convinced that I am hallucinating. And when I wake up an hour later, still hungover as shit, both the kitten and the condom are MIA. Pedro is eager for me to leave. Apparently he forgot to tell me about his girlfriend.

So I forget to tell him about the cat.

Context is burying Pedro's cat.

kaiyos avoids homework by compiling:

All The Jobs I Want To Have In No Certain Order (None Of Them Forever.  All Of Them For A While.  I Don't Want A Career, I Guess):

    -of Synopsises on the Back of Books
    -of Kids' Books
    -of My Memoir
    -of Cook Books
    -of Manifestos
        -Feminist Manifestos
        -Muslim Manifestos
    -of Books On Things I Like
       -for example, Apples
       -Like Spongebob
    -for Al-Jazeera
    -for NPR
    -for Democracy Now!
    -for the New Yorker
    -for Vogue
UN/Human Rights' Watch/Amnesty International Researcher
Book-Store Owner
Community Organizer (What Does This Even Really Mean?)
Literary Theorist
Sexy Events' Planner
Wedding Planner
Book Editor
Documentary Filmmaker
TV Chef
TV Travel Host
Civil Rights' Lawyer
Dance Party Coordinator
    -I Want To Be Oprah

is flocked, QWP, and ready for the real world.