March 30th, 2008

stoat

chasingtides is a medievalist.

Points to be taken as given fact:
1. Weasels have sex and give birth via their ears. (Apparently medieval folks didn't spend much time with weasels.)
2. Mary, in order to keep her hymen and therefore her virginity intact, was impregnated by God and gave birth to Jesus via her ear.

Conclusions:

1. As everyone knows that humans do not have sex/give birth via their ears, Mary is not human. (Also, she does not sin, which all humans do.)
2. Since weasels are the only beast who do have sex/give birth via their ears, Mary must be a weasel.
3. Since bestiality in wrong and a sin and God does not sin, God must be a weasel.
4. When two weasels reproduce, the offspring is a weasel. Jesus is a weasel.

Issues that arise from these important theological conclusions:

1. We were made in the God-weasel's image. However, we are not weasels. This is a problem. Is our humanity an expression of our innate sin? If we were sinless, would we revert to our natural weasel forms? Are weasels really sinless humans like Mary? Are furries, who try to be more weasel-like than the rest of the populace, God's chosen people as they are attempting to be more god-like and sinless than the rest of us? What if only furries go to heaven? When they get to heaven, do they get to have their true weasel-y form? Is hell truly human beings because we have rejected the furry way of life?

This theological quandary is brought to you by my new coffee maker and the theology section of the library.

QWP.

war for oil, greedy republicans 2

My heart won't go on...

master_rohen has some thoughts on gas prices:

I think that this current gas crisis business can be likened to the ill-fated Titanic sinking.

So we start out with relative smooth sailing at $1/gallon some years back. As the ship picks up speed and sets course for the iceberg, the impending DOOMSTICK cracks down and prices start to soar to $2. Upon collision, we reach a previously unthinkable $2.25. As the ship started to sink, the price keeps shooting up until the whole back end of the ship is sticking up out of the water and we're nestled at a national average of $3.25/gallon... then the ship breaks in two and gas prices fall again, but only so much because of the danger still lurking, with a "low" amount of $2. Then the backend starts to rise vertically as the ship's halves break apart, with prices continuing to rise - $2, $2.20, $2.30 - and as the ship begins its final descent to its murky watery grave, we go full steam ahead to the seemingly implausable $4-$5 range per gallon...

And of course, we all die, except for Kate Winslet, because she's a witch and doesn't need gas to get around.


QWP, Context still wants to see Kate Winslet naked
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