March 10th, 2008

safe sex, bad puns

(no subject)

felisdemens is the bringer of all things fail:

I have decided to rent myself out as the Fail Fairy.

For $50 I'll go involve myself in things and cause them to fail.

Want to break something? I'll go touch it.

Want a plan to go hideously awry? I'll get involved in it.

Want someone's day to suck? I'll stand next to them and smear my aura all over them.

I'm like William H Macy in The Cooler, except girlier. For an extra $20 I'll wear a tutu, wings and stompy boots while spreading the Fail around.

Invest today!

QWP, Context will fail for food.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

slasheuse comes close to a Serious Veet Incident

Imagine me naked. No, srsly. Now imagine me naked but clad from the knees down in what probably looks like a pair of slimy, hairy, strong-smelling legwarmers, or alternatively the boots of a Yeti that's on fire. Now imagine me thus, but in the shower and wielding a small piece of plastic, hands covered in the same burning goo and not wearing my glasses. Now imagine that, in a moment I shall doubtless live over and over in my dreams, I push the hair back from my face.

No, I haven't Veet'd off my eyebrows. BUT IN WAS CLOSE. Twenty minutes of OHSHIT DID I JUST BURN OFF MY EYEBROWS - OHGOD I DON'T KNOW THE MIRROR'S STEAMED UP WAIT CAN I FEEL - OH GOD I STILL HAVE BURNING GOOP ON MY HANDS, MY HANDS - is enough for one lifetime. It reminded me of the time in Year 8 when I burnt my hand with a hot glue gun and then attempted to peel off the glue with my other hand, thus burning and sticking both hands together. Of course, that time I wasn't naked and hopping round a shower room with one eye screwed shut to counteract the double vision.

Context is friendslocked, but still has both its eyebrows.
Me - Flirting with the camera.

Occasionally serious

_ninjakitty_ rejects the notion that caring about one thing means you can't care about another thing:

"People do what they can or are good at or feel a passion to and I don't think it makes any sense to belittle or criticize their efforts because others make a difference in a different way. At least they are doing something. The problems of this world are huge but I think the only way we make progress is to take on the little part of the elephant that we can get a hold of."

Context thinks "hippie bullshit" is for everyone.
me: backbone

(no subject)

In a locked post, I commented on the disturbing trend of "revirginization" (as told here).

marnanel had this to contribute (QWP):

Where else in human endeavour is there an activity which people think the best experience is to be found with a person who has never participated in that activity before? Do I really want to get onto my transatlantic flight to be greeted with the words, "Hello, this is Captain Smithers speaking. We will be cruising at ten thousand feet and reaching Paris at midnight local time. Incidentally, this is my first time ever flying an airliner, and I know you're glad I saved myself for this moment and didn't fly any smaller planes... though I must admit, I was caught by my parents in the simulator a couple of times, but after some prayer and fasting that's all behind me."
  • Current Music
    laura marling - the captain and the hourglass

An unusual tech support problem

From a discussion over in techsupport about a customer's sense of priorities post-moose attack:

melstav: Get the trouble ticket opened when you can -- it'll take a while to get a resolution, anyway. That way, by the time you've got the hole(s) boarded up from the moose's entrance and exit and the replacement furniture assembled and installed, maybe the new modem will have arrived.

bitterfun: He never mentioned that the house had a hole. The houses are usually pretty sturdy and wildlife is usually pretty polite. They use doors and windows to get into a place.

moose apparently equals = automatic funny. Public post.
Ariel sunglare

(no subject)

setoutrunning worries that midterms season is upon us:

I'm beginning to feel just slightly less stressed. This is expected, if you consider the four basic stages of studying for exams:

1. Procrastination
This is the longest and simultaneously most time-consuming and least productive period of the studying process. In this stage, the student typically chooses any activity, no matter how banal, over studying; this includes, but is not limited to: watching television, reading books, listening to music, going out with friends/family/alone, sleeping, writing entries in online journals, staring at walls, staying up for no reason. The length of time spent in this stage determines how effective a procrastinator/how ineffective a student an individual is.

2. Studying
The second stage of the studying process is the most productive, but typically begins too late and is too time-restricted to ensure academic success. Intermittent anxiety is common in this stage, as are frequent breaks. Depending on the effectiveness of the procrastinator, the Studying stage may be skipped completely and replaced with a second stage of procrastination.

3. Indifference/Foreclosure (I am here.)
In the third stage, the student finds him or herself exhausted from Studying stage 2 (if completed) and experiences a sudden absence of anxiety. In this period, the student may indulge in many activities characteristic of the Procrastination stage. The Indifference/Foreclosure stage varies in length, typically determined by the amount of energy expended in stage 2.

4. Complete and Total Anxiety
The fourth and final stage of the study process typically begins the morning of the test, exam, midterm, etc. for which the studying is performed. In this stage, the student experiences a perpetual state of panic, which may be marked by physiological symptoms such as elevated pulse, sweating, and shortness of breath. Nervous twitches and movements often become apparent. The entirety of this stage is spent chastising oneself for partaking in stage 1 and unnecessarily limiting stage 2, wondering how he or she could have possibly experienced stage3 3, and attempting to learn excessive information in a few short hours. Counterproductively, intermittent procrastination may take place.

Context is QWP and still procrastinating.

Writing on the Wall...

GoodLuckFox walks in on his mother, only to find her watching....Obama.

Oh, and it was BARAK OBAMA she was watching. Bless Mom's heart, but she's a product of the Old South (albeit from the poor white perspective). "He's going to be the next President. I can tell you that right now," she said. "If he actually does the things he's talking about doing, that'd be great." Republicans, if you've lost my Mom's vote, you're gonna get creamed at the polls.

Context could go for a lot of our mothers...
  • Current Mood
    amused amused