Metaquotes

vivalanaomi on things that don't make sense.

It's like saying "I need someone to be the swarm of bees to my nectar-covered eyelids."

Context is on fandomsecrets

seraphic_slayer on the unexpected joys of make-up sex:

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING feeds your righteous indignation more than accidentally shooting in your lover's eye during a bout of make-up sex.

It TOTALLY was an accident, but there was this little part of me that was like "HA! Call that shit 'karma', you jerk!"

QWP

kerfyat espouses America's need for candy.

Well, actually... okay. I admit it. I fibbed. I am the Zorro of fat. If I catch wind of someone eating a carrot, I will go to their house and stuff that two pounds of candy they just bought down their throats. I cannot rest until every American weighs at least 618 pounds. Also our sign is secretly a giant magnet that drags cars right off the road and into the parking lot. It's really something to see during rush hour. We lure people within range of the magnet by selling candy that is eighty-five percent pure heroin, too. And if people come into our store and don't spend at least fifty dollars, I shoot them with my laser eyebeams so that their faces melt right off like at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. It's a wonder the health inspectors and the sheriff's office haven't teamed up to take us out yet.

Context explains the difference in diet and dietetic candies, and why they aren't weight loss supplements.

I was QA'ing a textbook earlier, a chapter on work and simple machines.

Book: 'What kind of simple machines might the Ancient Egyptians have used to build the pyramids?'

My mind before I could stop it: 'Jews.'

Context (in the comments) has watched a lot of Mel Books movies.

Just because your wife's dice roll better than yours, doesn't mean you have to have a hissy fit about it.

Context.

When a member of the Israeli Knesset blames recent earthquakes on gays...

pure1magination offers the following;

dammit you guys! when I said "homosexuals rock the planet!", I didn't mean it LITERALLY! try to be fabulous a little softer next time.

Context took The Clash a little too seriously.

(In comments; original post comm-locked; QWP.)

In response to Dave Sim saying: "You're 32. At 32 it seems like your forties and fifties are decades in the future."

roostring counters: NO SHIT. I wonder why it seems like that, Mr. Sim, sir? It couldn't be because one's thirties are, indeed, a decade from ones forties, and two decades from one's fifties, could it?
It is indeed fortunate that I overtaxed my delicate female brain learning math.