tabula_x_rasa gives everyone a primer on the American Electoral System:
Q: How do they vote?
A: With a maximum of difficultySo these people, squeezing all this in during a normal work day, travel to an inconvenient "polling place" which is some temporarily re-purposed room run by Vogons. There the voters stand around uncomfortably, are mis-identified, have their addresses found, lost, found again, suspected of fraud, believed to be mentally incompetent, stamped, passed along, silently judged, and eventually given a few narrow, stiff cardboard cards and an envelope the colour of Alcatraz. They are sent to extremely rickety tables like cubicles that have been washed in very hot water. If you are really posh there might be a curtain, but I wouldn't touch it.
Then, depending on where you are, you squint at the ballot (it is very small print, to make it as difficult as possible to read), fumble for your reading glasses, realise you left them at home, and try to insert it into a machine that was first used to elect Kennedy. You move a heavy, no-doubt-lead arm up and down and use it to punch out the "chads" of 2000 fame that correspond most closely with your selection.
Well, we are not posh enough even for machines; we get pencils. It's better.
If you are in a place run by Republicans, you may have a Diebold voting machine. These are computers, and most commonly used in places where they are the only computer a voter has ever seen. For example, in Florida, where for the majority of voters, an Underwood was the last flashy state-of-the-art machine they used. A Diebold machine's default setting is "Republican," they can be hacked by 12 year olds from a PSP, and they are illegal in Silicon Valley. I have never seen one.
This system is considerably inferior to the old Tammany Hall style, where nice men walked you to the polls, gave you beer, went into the booth with you and helped you mark the right choice. They would even do it for you if you couldn't read, or if suddenly your hand broke in two places. At least this way, everyone voted for the person they intended to vote for.[2]
But at the end, you receive a prize for all you've been through: a free sticker, designed to induce guilt and shame in others. The best kind of sticker.
Sadly, all this is done without anyone washing their hands afterwards. America is a filthy place.
Context has more Funneh where that came from.