January 9th, 2008

Seriously

Clock in the new year

valkyriekaren is having some issues with 2008's performance:

*looks up from desk*

Ah, 2008, come on in... and close the door.
Do sit down. Tea? No?

Now, this isn't easy for me to do, but I have to say I'm very disappointed with your performance so far. When we took you on to replace 2007, it was on the firm understanding that you would make everyone's lives easier, and I'm sorry to say that hasn't been the case. Just look at this report: relationship breakups, redundancy, divorce, illness - the Winter Vomiting Bug, for gods' sakes - it's like 2007 all over again! I'm sorry, 2008, but if you don't buck your ideas up and start working a whole lot harder to improve the lot of this friends list, I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go.

Oh, now there's no need to take on so! I'm sure these are just teething troubles and if you apply yourself, things will soon be a lot brighter. See how you get on with the rest of January and I'll see you again next month. Close the door on the way out, would you?


Flocked post, quoted in entirety with permission. Context is assistant regional manager...no, assistant to the regional manager.
Comics - MegaLantern (Anim)
  • xany

(no subject)

etcet puts the squeeze on social tension:
I tend to function in what I call the "zit theory" of social tension - things get bad, explode in a disgusting mess, and are tender for a little while afterwards, but ultimately no permanent damage is done.
Context in all it's sebaceous glory. QWP.
Malcolm Reynolds - Firefly

(no subject)

bladeliger protects the rear flank...so to speak:

I am appalled at the thought of lubing up my asshole. It's not due to some anus hang-up brought up by my being an uptight straight guy, either. I'm afraid that if I grease up the chocolate cake pan, then it's going to lead to an embarrassing trip to the emergency room later. What if, while getting ready tomorrow morning in my still under construction bathroom, I slip and fall butt-first on the hammer propped against the wall? What if it slides right in and gets stuck? Yeah, the staff is gonna look at me like I'm crazy when I try to explain I had a tender butthole and had it Crisco'd for relief. Then they'll take pictures and make fun of me on the Internet.

Context has that burning itchy feeling.