December 11th, 2007


During race/cake wank in stupid_free...

In high school, some friends and I pooled some cash together to buy our friend a birthday cake. We were into the Linda Richmond skits on SNL, so we wanted the cake to say "You're like butta!" We explained this to the hulking (and white) shemale at the bakery, who was totally confused by the phrase. We were pointing at the cake and trying to explain that we wanted "You're like butta!" on it. After 15 minutes or so, things seem to click (or at least his/her unibrow un-furrowed), and s/he told us it would be ready in 10 minutes.

When we pick up the cake, it seriously reads, "You like butter on this?"

Happy 15th birthday, Dave.

- i_luv_popsicls

Context is not a con, but it is made of text.  Discuss
  • Current Mood

ghostpaw is confused by and confuses other people.

What drove it home, in a way, is striking up the random conversation with a stranger, who was outside having a cigarette. He admitted he started talking to me because I was so obviously 'not from around here', and that it was obvious because of the hat. Most people don't wear hats, let alone dark red, 1930s style cloche hats with tweed flowers on them. Also, apparently, most people don't generally let you try their hat on, then carry on nattering with no obvious ulteriour motive. I never realised that my tendency to quite happily talk to anyone who's happy to talk to me was quite so odd.

Context is feeling out of place.
King Charles Spaniel

I'd love to see a reality show like this

Over on customers_suck, bitchifoto posts about a strange woman who wanted passport photos:

Today's craziest customer of the day was, of course, after passport photos. As far as crazy customers go, at least this one was amusing. But I can't help but wonder what was WRONG with her! It was simply fascinating. I wish I could have ditched work and spent the rest of the day stalking her with a hidden camera and make it into a new reality show. But anyway, on to the story.

Bitch just projected a crazy AURA. You could see her coming from a mile away, with her bright green shirt and even brighter orange hair that was in some asymmetrical coif that looked like it'd been CHISELED into place. She was like a hornet or a poisonous toad whose bright colors warned other wildlife to stay the fuck away. And that was before you got a real taste of her personality, which was middle-aged NUTBUSTER turned up to eleven.

Am not clever enough to describe a witty context. (Public post, but waiting on QWP anyway.)
  • Current Mood
    stressed stressed
『misc』 don't stop believing

bluntedge reports on the contents of her spam box.

The best part of any piece of junk mail soliciting 'enlargement' methods has to be the eye catching title. We would now like to present some recent gems for your viewing pleasure. Or to promote sales in brain bleach. One or the other.

  • Enormous monster phallus is every woman's dream!
    [This brings to mind images of Japanese tentacle porn, but we think we might have the wrong idea here.]

  • If your warrior of love is too small, you may lose this war.
    [We should pass along this message to the warmongers of the world. To win war, make love!]

  • Make it longer and more powerful with our p!ills!
    [The use of random exclamat!ons !s a good sell!ng po!nt. Makes th!ngs EXC!T!NG!!!!]

  • Intensify her sensations by increasing your love stick!
    [... love stick?]

  • Set your lassie on fire with your new giant rod!
    [Who's going to save Timmy from drowning in the well now?!?]

Context is well-hung.

Hopefully this will not offend any tubercular persons reading.

This installment of Tales from the Crypt Cold:

I've coughed so much and so hard that my abs are now in active pain. I wonder if this can be considered, like, Victorian crunches.

In which case, it seems like a shame that they had all this inadvertent ab exercise going on, but no chance to show off their newly toned musculature in bikinis. On the other hand, though, there's no place to keep pristine white handkerchiefs in a bikini,* so what do you do about coughing up blood?

I can only conclude that the problem of consumptive aerobics with regard to bikinis in the Victorian era is an extremely complex one, the ultimate ramifications of which are beyond the scope of this essay LJ post.

* Arguably.
- schiarire battles the rhino virus. F'locked, Qweep, and that's the whole thing, daddio.
Malcolm Reynolds - Firefly

(no subject)

mrflagg finds uses for the Nintendo energy drinks in the Great White North:

a supermario power drink. I wonder if they have a 1up drink. I might be needing one of those. And one of those raccoon tail drinks would be helpful when I go up north to get the snow off the roof.

Context wondered how he jumped high enough to get the flag.
  • Current Music
    "Spacebeach", Arling & Cameron