December 7th, 2007

  • usekh

And in today's people's court

A troll says that teachers who are "smoking hot" shouldn't be prosecuted for having sex with minors jediwitch replies

Can you imagine what it'd be like if that was the law? It would mean we'd finally have to create a definitive value of "hotness" and a way to measure it, to make sure the teacher in question was hot enough to sleep with an underage kid. And of course, the entire thing would be debated to hell and back because everyone's idea of hot is different. I can see the courtroom battles now...

"Your honor! The defendant is clearly only 46% hot, and a mere 3.6 on the 'Bow-Chika-Wow-Wow' scale, making her classification 'Pretty,' not nearly hot enough to be screwing around with minors!"
"I object! I find the defendant to be quite hot, sir. In fact, if given the option, I'd tap that ass right now!"
"That's inconsequential! The Hotness Determining Guidelines are quite clear on this. Subject must be blonde, tan, and have breasts of AT LEAST a size double D to score high enough to be able to boink little boys!"
"But red-heads are WAY hotter than blonds! And if the breast is more than a handful, what's the point?"
"ORDER! Order in the court!"

Always under control?

limpingpigeon has fun with feminine hygiene marketing:

So I happened across a box of some "new and improved" brand of tampons. On the back of the box, it explained that one of its "improvements" was the new easy applicator with a "no-slip grip, for improved control".


Well THANK GOODESS for that! I can't tell you how many times my tampons have just been COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL! I mean, they're just all OVER THE PLACE and WRECKING HAVOC, like very-absorbent juvenile delinquents! Finally, all the dark times of having my tampon LEAP OUT OF MY HAND and run across the bathroom floor, and me having to yell "NO! NO! BAD, TAMPON!" while trying to keep it from escaping down the bathtub drain, clearly intent on HOLDING UP CONVENIENCE STORES and BEATING UP THE ELDERLY!

Context is going with the flow...

People food is not for you!

dances_withcats would like to communicate The Rules of Dining to her cat...and what better way to do it than in a poem?

You may not eat my bagel
You may not eat my cheese.
You may not eat my yogurt,
You may not eat my peas.

You may not eat my napkins
while you're sitting in my lap.
When I remove you from the table,
you may not give me crap.
Collapse )

quoted with permission
  • Current Music
    sons and daughters -- the decemberists
dark goat


ludickid is reading about Mitt Romney's trouble with the Inquisition:

A crucial voting block of the party that runs this country are likely to withhold their support from a particular candidate because they think he is a HERETIC.


Not because they think he's a flip-flopping toady who will take whatever position is convenient to win public support. Not because of his positions, or indeed anything about his politics whatsoever. It's because they think he's a HERETIC. An APOSTATE. He's left they embrace of the true church. He's some sort of crazy cultist who has turned away from the path of the Lord. He's a motherfucking HERETIC.


Context has been burned at the stake.

paganbear has come up with a fun new game

"The most insane drinking game ever isn't from any strange movie or television show. It's from the In Tune With Spirit radio station online... which plays my favorite style of music. It's all very beautiful, don't get me wrong... but you can do some real damage to yourself turning it into a drinking game.

Rules are simple... have tequila, Jaegermeister, and Bacardi 151, and shot glasses.

Now the key is to listen for awhile and take a shot whenever the word "Spirit" is in the song title, group's name, or album's name. With each song you count out how many times the word "spirit" appears. If it's in just the song title or the group's name (one appearance) you take a shot of tequila. If it appears twice, you take either two shots of tequila or of Jaeger. If it appears in all three, you do a shot of 151 and chase it with whole beer (chugged).

Yeah, this is Native American spirituality music, which makes the use of alcohol even more wrong. But then, when have you guys known me not to be wrong? Exactly


Artist: Dave Gordon
Title: Spirit Runner - Just one shot
Album: Drum Prayer

STATUS: Four shots, one 151 and one beer
Low tolerance actually thinks that the word waffle is the most hilarious word he's ever heard in his life, and he keeps saying it over and over again. Your friend is now insisting he shut up and a brawl almost ensues. You could swear you just saw Jesus in your ice cubes."

Context is really... relaly... drnuk...
  • Current Music

Unholy union of earworms.

mrz80 has combined the "Hamster Dance" with the "Safety Dance":

We can dance with our hamsters
We wear high heels or flats
'Cause our hamsters dance
And if they don't dance
Well we'll feed them to our cats!

We can dance with our hamsters
We can twirl our rodents 'round
We can act like a fool
And skip out of school
We can scream but not make a sound

Context should be kept far, far away from "Badger Badger Badger"...

(no subject)

You know, what with news reports on it being a DAILY occurrence now, you would think... MAYBE... that if you were a schoolteacher, you might not want to have sex with a student. If you were currently HAVING sex with a student, you might want to find a way to break it off that didn't make your discovery and prosecution likely.

I mean, shit, what's with people? If you're a GOP rep who voted against gay unions, you MIGHT want to take a hiatus from sucking dick in public restrooms. If you're a child molestor, you MIGHT want to stay off Myspace for a few decades. If you're Rush Limbaugh, you MIGHT want to stop taking illegally acquired narcotics.

flemco, here
Ham and Cheese

Elf of color?

caias digs up a quote from an important period in elf civil rights history.

"Now this is the problem.

"For too long, the high elf and the grey elf has oppressed the black elf! Too long, we have struggled in our bondage! Corellon and the others of that 'pantheon' have called us wicked, evil... to the point where even the mention of our color is a label for bad things. Why is the worshiper of demons called the 'blackguard'? Why does that horrible necromatic spell Soul Bind use a black diamond when a white diamond would do just fine?

"No more! I'm a black elf and I am proud!

"We will not accept the name 'drow' either. That's a slave name, given to us by the oppressor elf to scare the little elf babies! No, I will be an elf of color, proud of my heritage, and you should be too, my brothers and sisters!!! We will rise again into the light that we have been driven from for so long. No longer will the groves, and the streams, and the forests be only for those elves with that pale, pasty skin! No longer will the hand crossbow be seen as a sign of city violence! No, we will take our place again and we will all say...

"I'm a black elf, and I'm proud!

- Drizz't X