November 16th, 2007

Tentacle Beard

thunderemerald works for a literary agent...

How to Get Rejected

1. Name your fictional city "Vamperia."

2. End your title with "…of Destiny/Fate."

3. "I'd like you to read my 400,000 word novel..."

4. "Here are the first three chapters, each of which is 80 pages long..."

5. Assert that there are NO young adult books with strong female leads, and yours will be the first.

6. Describe your thriller's token female sidekick/love interest as "smarty and feisty BUT attractive."

QWP. Context is rapidly editing her NaNoWriMo.

(no subject)

I am a man of few talents. I dabble in lots of stuff and master almost none. However, one thing I excel at is bullshit. I could talk a rabbi into eating a pulled pork sandwich. Cooked in bacon grease. Seethed in its mother's milk. On the Sabbath.

hardvice, here
deelieboppers sharpened

Errorist responds to reports of an onomotopeic blender

First Contact: Voice-Activated Blender
alien Muppets invade an Earth kitchen, trundling around and nodding at everything they see

"uhh-huh! uhh-huh! yepyepyepyep"

They consult their handy reference guide...

"yepyepyepyepyepyep Blender"
"yepyepyepyep uhh-huh uhh-huh yepyepyepyep Blennn-derrrr."
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Original post here, along with bikerwalla's truly wonderful choice of icon.
slow to mediocrity

(no subject)

kid_lit_fan finds certain phrasing perplexing.

It is low on the suck-scale, but I wish people wouldn't call and ask "May I have Firstname Lastname?"

No, you can't!. That person may be working for you, but we are talking about a free human being! It has been illegal to own people in this country since 1863!

If you'd like to speak to that person, I'd be happy to try to facilitate that, but I can't condone human trafficking.

Context is at customers_suck.