October 30th, 2007

bitter
  • etcet

cavalorn takes gate something and a half to Whitby Gothic Weekend

Upon arrival in Whitby, all goths are obliged to try on the Sorting Boot, which sorts them into their various houses.

House RAVENCLIQUE is composed entirely of agonisingly pretty goths who are dressed immaculately. They are far too pretty to talk to you or anyone other than fellow members of House Ravenclique, assuming they aren't engaging in one of their lengthy feline blanking exchanges.

House GOFFINDOR is composed of happy bouncy goffs and is the largest house.

House RUFFNGRUFF is where the snarly spiky goffs with lots of piercings go. They look all savage but are v. nice really. A lot of them have long coats, impressive vehicles, and/or tattoos.

Members of House SHAGGERIN are dipped in sleaze before being allowed out. They are motivated entirely by the desire to hump goffs or to be humped by them. Gender is very rarely an issue.


Context (public post).
innocent

(no subject)

dragonlady7 is having a hard time getting off mailing lists.

I recently began to receive your catalog. I do not know why, except that I ordered a few tops from J.Jill and suddenly am getting literally dozens of catalogues I have never heard of before.
I don't want your catalog: I will never buy any of your products. I am something of an environmentalist and not much of a shopper, and it gives me physical pain to see how, when I have spent years of my life trying to avoid excessive waste, my recycling bin is full every week now.
Your catalog says it is 20% recycled paper. Whoop-de-crap; it is 100% wasted on me, plus the fuel it took to get to me. Why do I not even buy tampons but insist on using reusable goddamn menstrual products, only to have you kill fifty trees a year to send me this useless thing I don't even look at the pictures in? Is it because I like doing exceptionally disgusting laundry? I assure you that is not the case.
Stop, for the love of God, stop. I don't want your catalogue. Please take me off your list. Please stop destroying the Earth and raping the environment to try to get me to look at glossy pictures of entirely worthless crap. I promise you I am not exaggerating when I say that there is not one item in your catalog that interests me in the slightest. I know some marketing research must have told you that since I bought from J.Jill I would buy from you; I assure you that is not the case, I only bought the tops from them because they were roomy enough in the bust to accomodate my odd shape. I will never buy from them again, as I already own everything they make that I would ever wear.
Stop sending me your catalog. I won't ever buy anything.

PLEASE.

My name is [my name], my address [address], my Customer # is F5047132, my "source code" is LY20100R.

TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

It's not personal; I have 23 more of these emails to write tonight.

Sincerely,

[me]


Context (QWP, unlocked)