October 4th, 2007

King of hearts

talkjive has a PDA face-eater issue at work.

In customers_suck:

Understand, I do not refer to a peck, a romantic smooch. I refer to scenes that make the uvula of one participant feel unpleasantly exposed. I refer to a cleaning to awe your dental hygienist. I refer to the way, if you were dogs, I would be dumping a bucket of water on you both. When you are pulling hair and making him gag, it is time to take the party home. I swear, if you continue to involve me in your sex life, I am going to bring in a muscular man with a riding crop and twenty feet of hemp rope and involve you in mine.

I should not have to go home feeling like I should bring condoms to work. Behind the bar, no on can hear you safeword.

Context wants its chewing gum back.
Library, Hermione

Librarians control the Universe, don't ever piss one off -- Spider Robinson

In library_mofo

Honestly, what reaction were you expecting when you asked me for books on serial killers, Satanism and voodoo? Were you expecting me to get the vapors?
"Satanism? Oh, my stars!" (hand to bosom, fall over in a dead faint).

I bet you sure as hell weren't expecting me to give you a list of books on the subject as well as a few suggestions for more indepth research. I could tell because you stopped elbowing your friend and looking smug.

Listen kid, it'll take a hell of a lot more than anything your tiny brain can come up with to shock me. I've had used condoms land on my hand while shelving, watched in amusement while a bounty hunter tackled a guy in the periodicals section, cleaned up crap, barf, urine, blood and other body fluids, been slapped, screamed at, survived attempted conversions and Lord knows what else. You painting your nails black and carrying around books by Aleister Crowley (a rather well-known person in the occult whose name I had to suggest to you and that I know you won't be able to read with any comprehension)does little more than make me roll my eyes.

Why don't you go try your tired schtick in a church and make some Lutherans pass out? I'm a librarian, motherf**ker, you couldn't shock me if you tried.

Context is locked behind the Reference desk-- QWP
General // hair // cotton candy pink
  • katsuko

cissie_king reveals the greatest villian ever

My current favorite is Bull's eye: A crazy clown with a bullseye painted on his chest. This man fights Green Arrow! He might as well call himself Stab-Me-In-The-Balls-Man, paint a bullseye on his crotch, carry a glass case with a knife inside that says "In case you want to stab me in the balls, break the glass" and go fight a superhero called Testicle Stabber!

Context is a bit Cracked. Public, QWP