September 1st, 2007

I am starstuff

aopansaa is an announcement expert.

If I were to own my own retail chain...

The Closing announcement would be as follows. "Attention customers. The time is now (insert appropriate time for the day) and the store is closed for the evening. The store will be airlocked in five minutes and all the oxygen sucked out. We ask that any and all stowaways please come to the front of the store, where you may be released to the (relative) safety of the outside world. Our store will be safe to re-enter tomorrow morning at (tiiiime) o'clock. Thank you for shopping at My Store and have a great night!"


Context says it over the intercom.
QWP
Chocolate

(no subject)

lucas_meow has plans for the signature at the bottom of his government Tough on Drugs pamphlet.


Silly Prime Minister! He should have known that leaving his signature lying around on documents that will be sent to high school students is a very silly idea, especially when they're bored and scan the signature into the computer, so they can get him to sign everything they print off.
"Dear Staff,
Luke did not have any clean shirts today as I had neglected to do the laundry. Please excuse his casual appearance on my behalf.
Yours Sincerely,
John Howard
Prime Minister of Australia"


Locked, QWP. Context is getting excused from English class.
Mistful Dreams

Speaks for itself, really.

sparklychibi considers giving her virginity to JD Salinger:

Backstory #2: In the evening, we had a farewell dinner for my sister Angelina, who's going off to college.

ANGELINA'S FRIEND BOB: You're leaving! I'll have to replace you.
ANGELINA: With who?
BOB: Guenever, of course.
ANGELINA: Oh, no. I already vetoed this. *to me* Gwen, if she says anything about JD Salinger, the answer is no.
ME: What?
ANGELINA: THEY WANT TO GIVE JD SALINGER YOUR VIRGINITY.
BOB: He likes young teen virgins! And we want his unpublished novels!
ME: Okay.
ANGELINA: What? No!
ME: Angie. It's JD Salinger.
ANGELINA'S FRIEND SYLVIE: Yeah, he's like ninety anyway. He wouldn't be able to do anything. Just chase her around for a bit. In a wheelchair.
ME: I'd go slow so he'd think he had a chance. "Almost, JD!"
BOB: "What happened to Franny? What happened to Franny?! Tell me and you might just catch me next time!"


Context is willing to work for spoilers. Flocked, QWP.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Monocle

(no subject)

morpheus0013, on why sharing a room is a good thing:

People overlook the clearest advantage to sharing a room: there's a 50/50 chance the monster under the bed will eat your brother instead of you.

. . .

My math may be off, though. I'm certain there's an equation that takes into account the length of legs, speed, drag coefficient, and the James Bond-style oil slick shooting out of my slippers as I'm bolting for the door. So it's probably not a straight 50/50.

And with that, I think I need to start watching a little less "Numb3rs."


Context knows why sharing is good.