June 18th, 2007

dark goat

(no subject)

calebbullen: When I woke up this morning, my right nipple was hard enough to cut glass. But how often do you have glass that needs cutting first thing in the morning? I made breakfast instead.

justjohn: It's nature's way of telling you to get an accordion.
  • Current Mood
    perky!
Fencing

I can't believe someone else didn't link this here.

hmfeelyat gives us the zombies' side of the story.

Look, I'm sorry about the mass uprising bit, but honestly--if just one of us pops up and starts nibbling your arm, you're going to have the advantage. I mean, we're undead. One of us isn't exactly going to chase you at lightning speed or, say, break your neck with our bare hands (and any reports to the contrary are grossly exaggerated. Think of us as people who just woke up without any coffee. We're not an army of Charles Atlases).

QWP!
  • iluq

In His image

icecreamempress on God:

I believe in a powerful, mysterious Supreme Being, not a ridiculous old man with a beard who's all "Heh, heh, let me fool these silly humans by putting...snerk!...DINOSAUR bones in the geological strata! That'll be hilarious!"

Of course, the Deity most of these people worship seems, according to them, to care who wins high school football games and spends an undue amount of time helping fat people drive their SUVs.

I like my God better.


Context is the famed Creation/Evolution debate.
Foamy - Pills
  • akamoe

Make the itching stop!

The Itchy A--hole
Everyone experiences this type of itch, and if you don't, you're a damn liar. I don't know why God, in His infinite wisdom, decided to put nerve endings directly on our sphincters that could in any way imaginable be subject to the possibility of an itch, but there it is. This is one of the most compromising places to experience an itch, because there is no humanly possible way to deal with this itch decently, and it happens to also be one of the most persistent. You might try to shake it off; you might try a quick swipe of the hand across the buttocks in hopes that you can dislodge some illusive thing that is caught at the very convergence of the sphincter causing the itch, like a grain of sand or a broken-off crayon, but of course it is unsuccessful because there is really nothing distressing the nerve save for some cruel joke of evolutionary pointlessness.


-- blozor On `the itches that annoy you'
  • Current Music
    Danko Jones - First Date
Fencing

Another zombie post.

kitty

teh_elb + exams =

"'In regards to reforming the CAP, there is also the issue of protectivism versus world treacle -' Hang on, wait a minute... Is protectivism even a word?! Damn it! That should be protectionism! Right, so 'issue of protectionism versus world treacle, particularly in regards to the current electorate-driven fashion of concern over world poverty.' Ha! Excellent!"

*grins smugly*

"World treacle?!"

Context has probably had too little sleep lately.

...

Of course, given that I mistakenly posted this into my own Lj three times before getting it right, I have probably had too little sleep lately, too. XD
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
alice hat

Eurovision 2007 was #4

aytchwastaken finds more traumatising music on youtube:

aytchwastaken: The third seal of the Apocalypse has been broken. The first being, obviously, "Da Dip", and the second being "My Humps".

Destruction of the entire universe isn't sufficient payment for mankind's creation of this crap. How are we ever going to get any respect from aliens this way?

luvcraft: wait, shouldn't "Milkshake" have been in there somewhere too?

aytchwastaken: Yeah, the list goes on, but if I actually told people that not only have all seven seals been broken, but they've now started in on sea lions...there would be mass panic and riots in the streets.


3rd Seal of the Apocalypse - GONE
  • Current Mood
    relaxed relaxed
He Does Not

la_signora gets a visit from the Jehovah's Witnesses!

The Jehovah's Witnesses were here this morning, and the spirit moved them to leave a flyer tucked in my screen door.

On one side is a photograph of "Jesus" with what I imagine to be three of his disciples, all clothed in vaguely biblical attire. Examining the photo, I notice three details that are inconsistent with my general understanding of Jesus:

1. He is white.
2. His hair is short.
3. He has a side part.

Yes, the Lord has a side part. Judging by the looks of it, I imagine that Jesus has been detained by His disciples on the way to a board meeting. It makes sense: He does have a scroll in His hand. Maybe it's a graph depicting last year's fundraising efforts. Maybe hidden in the pocket of that robe is a disk containing His accompanying PowerPoint presentation. And when the meeting is over, maybe He'll join a couple of the guys to have lunch and do a little networking. That's why He's wearing His red "power tunic."

But on His way Jesus has been stopped by Disciple 1, who looks exactly like George W. Bush with a huge bald spot. He appears to be in the midst of a heated discussion with Jesus, who stands by looking passive. Perhaps He knows that if He wastes any time arguing with Disciple 1, all of the coffee and frosted donuts will be gone by the time He gets to the meeting, and He'll have to eat one of the powdery, raspberry-filled ones, or wait until lunch time.

...

Every time the JWs leave something at my house, I have trouble believing that it can be anything but a colossal joke. This just goes to show how flawed their recruitment tactics are.


QWP. Context is going to hell.
  • Current Music
    One More Mile - Tom McRae