June 13th, 2007

magic statistical black box

How to Win All Wars, by Darthbessie.

darthbessie responds to juventus' post about a Pentagon proposal to create a 'gay bomb':

[Subject] How to Win All Wars, by Me.

Plus, seriously, if a whole bunch of men got ultra-horny all at once, wouldn't they just have a quick wank in their pants and be done with it? I mean, the power of the human sexual response can result in a quick orgasm in normal people when aroused sufficiently, surely if they made them this horny they'd just instinctively grab at their crotches and ejaculate within a few seconds? Manipulating anything more complicated than this simple sexual response would just not be feasible. Thus, even accounting for the more strong-willed reluctant masturbators, the majority of the enemy soldiers would return to battle within minutes and would be *more* ready to fight than the American soldiers, who would of course have been sitting around thinking about George Bush and God and trying to keep their dirty naughty hands to themselves and are thus suffering from long-term sexual frustration, leading to distraction during engagement of the enemy.

In conclusion, the only solution to these problems is to order a large-scale wooing of the enemy by American soldiers. The enemy, who have already been proven to be highly susceptible to Turning Gay At A Moment's Notice and prone to Situationally Inappropriate Sexual Activity would inevitably fall prey to the American soldiers' advances, because who can say no to a charming all-American GI, thus leading to large-scale all-night-long tent-thumping action and the ability to distract any armed forces long enough for George Bush to land on an aircraft carrier and declare victory.

The End.
lily side eye 1

Edward Lear is of the opinion that all Mod work should be done this way

shaysdays is tired of the inevitable wank that follows a childfree metaquote...

When childfree appears, then comes wank,
With whining and sputtering most rank,
I sing the same song,
"Can't we all get along?"
And then reach for my sauvignon blanc

And as for being meta - metaquoted:

A good meta-meta is rare,
It should be a quote beyond compare,
I feel it's a loss,
If someone quotes the boss,
But feel free if you really must share.

Context thinks haiku is overdone
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

revelation for some

thassalia and human companion have an epiphany:

M: The cats are never going to do what I tell them to are they?
Me: Ummmm, yeah probably not.
M: So all the work I've done, not feeding them until I've eaten, the newspapers, all of it. It was a big waste of time.
Me: Ummm, yeah probably. But they love you.
M: No they don't. If we died, they'd eat us.
Me: Only after they ran out of cat food.
Cats: Look up suspiciously from the dinner they're inhaling. "We'd never eat you." "Never." "Well, maybe." "If you were dead." "And stinky." "And we were hungry." "Or bored." "Or both." "Or forgot that we loved you." "Or were bored."
M: Don't talk to them right now.
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry
SPN - DeanEvil
  • vichan

the end is so effing nigh!

gekizetsu knows who the only truly prepared people are:

So, listen up peeps: the apocalypse is here, and, it turns out that SPN fans have read and written SO MUCH apocalypse fic that we're the only people who know what to do in these trying times. I say we meet in Wyoming. I'll be in charge of growing pumpkins in the new civilization. Also, I'm likely very fertle, so, will be taking applications to assist with the renewal of humankind.

Context needs more salt.
[other] - me n' neko
  • jackie

(no subject)

evilsimon is disappointed in today's internet trolls:

In my day, trolls wanked uphill, both ways, carrying fifteen socks with only an IP anonymizer, for three hours in the snow, in 90 degree weather, with no AC in their parents' basements. Kids these days. No stamina.

Context is not amused.

(QWP and all that jazz. :D)
  • Current Mood
    bouncy bouncy