I made the mistake of watching Pirates
the same day I read an article about Black Bart
. Black Bart was a real
pirate captain, and mostly famous for constant mutilation, torture, murder, theft, immolation, rape, pillage, and slave-trading across the few years he was active. And he's considered the "inspiration" for Jack Sparrow, who at worst
can be described as "kind of a rascal at times". In fact, during the whole three movies you never really see any pirates do anything that could be considered unethical
. They just sort of sing a lot and drink lots of rum and go on quests for magical artifacts. And those evil bureaucrats from the East India Company are pursuing them because...because they hate fun!
I have a fantasy that in three hundred years, they will make a popular feature film called Terrorists of the Persian Gulf
. It will feature the loveable Sheik Yakoub al-Sebarrouh and his cell of poorly-groomed but big-hearted terrorists (and, of course, adorable pet camel) as they go gallavanting across the deserts of the Middle East, searching for genies and lost cities. But then there's trouble, as the soulless bastards from the United States Army try and shut down the terrorists' operations because they can't stand their irrepressible free spirits! It's up to Sheik Yakoub to summon the Terrorist Conclave so he can gather the Magical Terrorist Artifacts that will allow him to fight back!
Sure, some spoilsport historians will write magazine articles saying that many terrorists were actually very unpleasant, and that there wasn't really a "Terrorist Code" preventing terrorists from hurting the innocent. But we unwashed masses won't listen. We'll be too busy buying our kids little plastic bombs to play with.Full post