June 3rd, 2007

You suck.

Apples: agents of Darwin!

The preternaturally hilarious fuseji wants you to know just how badass apples are:

Nature.

This is all Nature’s fault.

When presented in its proper, ripe form, an apple is a challenge; a gauntlet thrown down by Creation itself.

Bite into one and taste the unspoken pact made between lion and antelope upon the plains of Africa since before man could comprehend time. Taste the cry of our ancestors upon the harsh winds of the world they struggled to carve their place in.

This is the very flavor of the moment that every living creature confronts the truth of all creation.

Toss a half-eaten one away, cut it up into neat slices to ‘save for later’, turn it into a bong, or in any way bastardize the covenant made with teeth upon flesh...

…the hunter-gatherer bloodline that sired you might as well have shot their seed upon a dry rock in the desert and been done with it.

PROVE THYSELF WITH THINE BODY, the apples say in one fruity chomp.

SEE THE DEFEAT THAT ALL MUST KNOW SOMEDAY IN THE BROWN OXIDATION OF MY FLESH TOO LONG EXPOSED...

...OR SIP WHAT EVE KNEW ONCE SHE SOUGHT TO WASH THE TASTE OF ADAM FROM HER LIPS.

WREST YOUR RIGHT TO SURVIVE FROM ME, IF YOU CAN.

Apples aren’t just delicious food and drink in a convenient package, nor simply a crisp, fresh makeout between you and Gaia. They are you and Nature stepping into an arena ruled by the law that only one of you will leave whole.


Context is weighing the fighting skills of Fuji vs. Red Delicious right here.
brunette jester

(no subject)

mrsveteran knows never to look a gift buffalo in the mouth:

Now, it used to be that the way charities would try to guilt you out of your cash was that they would send you a set of free address labels along with a note that said something on the order of, "The poor, blind, amputee three-year-olds who are starving in Upper Badhobbsia want you to have these address labels as their special gift to you. However, sending you these labels mean that little Sudrika will not be able to eat for a month and will probably be beaten severely for such extravagance so we hope that you'll use one of them to stick on this envelope when you send your generous donation."

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Button moon

Less funny, more deep, to me

mswyrr on keeping Magic alive:

Isn't it amazing how certain mythic ideas interest us monkeys so much that we take whatever opportunities we have to explore them?

Christianity killed the pagan gods? Easy, we'll turn 'em into fairies!

Science killed the fairies? Easy, we'll make 'em aliens!

Context is Un-locked, but contains big Spoilers for Doctor Who/Family of Blood

Phe
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