April 8th, 2007

[Contemplation] Deep silent complete

In which 2_gryphon tells two extremely noisy kids to shut up and an angry dad gets pwned

" "Hey! Hey, you say something to my kids?"

"Yes sir, I did. I told them to stop making noise."

The man huffed and pointed back toward five sets of frightened eyes peeking over their table to watch Pappa Bear give me a good talking to. "Now, you don't have any right to say a damn thing to my kids!"

What I said next slapped the man's brain so hard, he'll be walking backwards for weeks...

I smiled a little. "Whatever gave you that idea?"


"The idea that I don't have a right to speak to your children."

The bear turned into a fish. His mouth opened and closed several times, as though he couldn't quite select a particular response listed in his Terminator cyborg-vision.

He stammered a bit. "Be - because they're my children!"

I smiled more. "I'm someone's child, yet you appear to have the right to speak to me."

Ching! I saw it in his eyes. They spun over like a slot machine until they landed on the words, "Oh shit!" in one eye, and "I lost" in the other. I grew a massive victory boner on the spot."

Context doesn't like noisy brats. The entire post is worth reading and made of win.
phoenix ezzicons/xiggy
  • conuly

Taken from kittikattie

That's right. Eggs on the doorstep. And they were on EVERY DOORSTEP here. When did the Presbyterians becom ninja? *ninja poof* "Christ is risen!" *ninja poof, leaving one plastic egg* Great, now I've got a fear of guys dressed all in white running around Seattle doing stealth baptism and you won't know what happened, but water's on your head and there's a cross around your neck.

I'm totally going to incorporate that egg into my Ostara altar next year. Take that, Presbyterian ninja! You tried to kill me with your gooey chocolate poison, and you failed! Bad Ninja! No Christ for you!

Context and pictures is here.
Notes From God

jimthefly and his girlfriend were talking...

jimthefly and his girlfriend were talking the other night...

"And that's why we hide the eggs: So Zombie Jesus can't find them."
"Apparently then small children are smarter than Zombie Jesus."
"Makes sense. Jesus said that to enter heaven, you must be like a child."
"That's probably your trial when you go to heaven: Find the eggs."
"Yeah. None of this 'sitting in judgement' crap. It's just Peter at a podium taking your name, and asking you 'Did you find the egg yet?'"
"You know, we never learned Peter's last name. I'll bet it's Cottontail! THAT'S IT! SAINT PETER IS THE EASTER BUNNY! So it's HIM hiding the eggs. That rascal."
"That's why we hide the eggs down here. Much harder for Zombie Jesus to find them when they're not up in heaven. Hell, why do you think he came in the first place? Not to save everyone. He just wanted to find a couple eggs because he'd been itching for an omlette since creation."
"And hon, that's why we color them: to confuse Zombie Jesus if he DOES find one. 'What? What's this blue thing?? It can't be an egg. It must be a rock.' And let's not even get into the multi-colored ones."

Context says he either needs to start finding some eggs or start packing for hell right now.