April 7th, 2007

helbling summarises 300...

Captain Artemis: So, these guys all have already had kids, and we’re going to go out in to the desert…
All the fanfic writers in the audience: *slash sense tingling*
Captain Artemis: …all alone, with no women, to fight an army against overwhelming odds…
All the fanfic writers in the audience: Ok, we can definitely work with this…
Captain Artemis: …and by the way, this is my youngest son, who is very favoured with me.
All the fanfic writers in the audience: Incest possibilities too?! It’s like birthday, Christmas and Easter rolled into one!
The rest of the audience: You SICK FREAKS.

Resultantly, an army of persians is sent against the Spartans.
Leonidas: Phalanx!
Emma’s dirty mind: What did-
The Rest of Emma: No. NO. He said ‘phalanx’ not ‘phallic’! What’s with you today woman?!
Emma’s dirty mind: I think it’s the underpants…they make my head fuzzy.

Context is fascinated by giant underpants.
agent may is unimpressed

He's at it again...

When we talk abut round and flat characters in fiction, it's merely a distinction between developed personalities and undeveloped ones. "Four-dimension" just takes the analogy too far. It's meaningless. It'd be like me saying that the Avengers are infinity times better than the Justice League. It'd be like saying that the Yankees are such a solid team that they have a fifth baseman. Now I've stopped making a rational comparison, and I've descended into fannish hyperbole. For some reason, whenever Harry Potter is involved, this sort of thing is not only permitted, but expected, and it's one of the myriad of reasons I hate his guts. "Twenty thumbs up! Better than heroin! Fun for the entire family, and the descendants of their families unto the fourth generation!"

Even though he hates the series, mike_smith returns with the first segment of his newest Harry Potter-hater reviews.
Wisdom Gynecological Detail

The only Grindhouse review you'll ever need.

spacechild gives us his take on Tarantino's Grindhouse, managing to outdo even Neill Compston's review on Ain't It Cool:

Planet Terror is less of a commitment to pop in the dvd player as it is nonstop landmines being thrown at your face, but the landmines are hidden inside banana cream pies covered in whipped cream that Asia Argento whipped up by hand in the nude.

Whereas Death Proof is a slow build commitment, like wearing a blindfold for 45 minutes while someone tickles your taint with the dull side of that big-ass knife Rambo had, and it could easily be Betty White's older, less hot sister doing it... but then she whips the blindfold off you and its actually Natalie Portman but with bigger boobs, and she says "and you never thought i'd be this kinky, huh?" as she pulls out the Orgazmo gun and shoots you in the ass with it.

Context is insisting that Kurt Russell is still hot. Public entry, taken from comments. (Warning: minor spoilers in main post.)

english has failed padparadscha





No, wait. WHAT doesn't do that justice. I am studying several languages, and if I combed through each of them and removed every single interrogative word I found from them, I would still not have enough WHAT to express the WHATness of this situation. WHAT in every language will not cover this. I am going to have to start digging through languages like Klingon to even get a fraction of the WHAT I need to express my amazement at anyone being that dumb.

Seriously, guys. nuq. The. Fuck.

(context has just discovered racism hiding under a couch in kittiekattie's journal.)
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