Metaquotes

They make Easter bunnies out of crispy chocolate now.

This is AWESOME. Now when you eat them you can pretend you're crunching down on their bones!

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

That's all she wrote QWP

In note_to_cat, she pleads:

I love you.
I love the fact that I'm working at home and get to hang with you all day.
I love the fact you are so happy about it.

However, mommy is a phone sex operator.

The nice men that call mummy are calling to be entertained by me.
Not by your frolicking, singing, or ability to open loud squeaky doors while yowling.

Context is refraining from pussy jokes.

dilbert719, on the subject of easy Harry Potter costumes: "That sounds like the weirdest product ever. 'Instant Percy! Just add no alcohol. Like ever. Seriously. We mean it. You'll be sorry. Put the margarita down and step away from the Weasley!'"

Context wants to be a Weasley. QWP

florahart just got an... interesting offer:

Spam has just promised me a trim, toned body in 15 minutes or less.

No, seriously. It doesn't say 15 minutes a day, just 15 minutes or less.

Clearly, the body in question isn't going to be mine, so now what I want to know is, do I get to do with it what I please?

Yes?

Yay!

Context has NSFW iconage, perhaps *of* said trim, toned body.

I just came across this old paper I've been saving since middle school...
When I was in middle school, we had these awful geometry books where each chapter came to a conclusion with a difficult word problem. One chapter was called "The Grazing Goat" and the next was called "The Burning Candle." Bored and creative(?) creature that I was, I decided to waste class time by writing a word problem of my own: a morbid combination of the two called "The Burning Goat."

The Burning Goat
Farmer Bob has carelessly poured gasoline on his goat while refueling his tractor. Pleased with a job well done, Bob pulls out a cigarette and tosses the match over his shoulder onto the unsuspecting animal. Panicking, the flaming beast heads for a lake which is 5 miles due north of the barn. The barn is 12 miles due west of the goat. The goat runs at 25 miles per hour, but 2/3 of the way there, he falls into a ditch and breaks his leg, so his speed is reduced to 6 miles per hour. The goat can survive for one hour in flames. Will he make it to the lake before he is reduced to a smoldering stump?

((Written by nolan_ash, age 13(?) Well, I thought it was funny. >_>;; Bonus points to anyone who actually feels like solving this disaster.))

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Context would have made math class MUCH more interesting.

thatursula

.... in all honesty we pretty much groaned, giggled or cringed through the whole thing. Ridiculous odds, tons of blood and gore (well, duh), 'glory' speech after 'glory' speech.....

"Tonight we dine in HELL!"

"Uh, didn't we dine in Hell last night?"
"I thought we dined in Hell last week."
"Hey - are we dining in Hell again?"

May I show you to your table?

I imagine, if you tried to snort heroine, the lady in question would be terribly offended. I know I would be. I'd either offended or a little bit alarmed. I wouldn't want somebody trying to inhale my skin. I don't think my zits would make a very good psychoactive substance.

And I doubt you want heroin to save you. As we all learned from our favorite after-school specials, drugs aren't the way to go when you want something done. Especially in this case, when you're hoping to be saved from an oncoming apocalyptic comet or evil be-tentacled demons--I imagine it would rather suck if your hopes rested on a pile of unaided mind-altering substances. Maybe if Captain Trips were involved, you could be saved by the intervention of a drug cocktail. But not if the heroin is just sitting there in a neat little pile or in a little hypodermic needle.

You know?

Context is amused.

rah_bop Is having issues with her 'a' key...

My stupid '' key just died. I've been using the dumb computer ll dy nd now I finlly go to write my essy nd I hve no '' key. WESOME. Tht's whole fifth of my vowels right there! t lest it wsn't the 'e' key insted. Tht would suck.

I need to hurry nd get new computer before this one dies completely nd I find myself hving to sy, "Thnks, D, for loning me your computer! :D MY NEW ONE IS WESOME. But yours is ded. here you go. <3"

....


BROKEN KEYBORDS: CHEPER THN BEING DRUNK ND HLF S LEGIBLE! 8D

QWP Flocked post

...and ame_chan had the good luck to be working in the store he visited.

Sort of.

I rush out of the office and notice "guy in a grey sweatsuit." and sorta "floomph" against the counter fanning myself with a piece of paper and say, "Wow. Ya ever have one of those days?"

And then the penny drops, OMGPONIES TIM CURRY IN MY STORE TIM CURRY OMG.

And he says, "OH indeed."

In that voice.

And I lose all power of thought and speech and I'm just, er, buh. Can't talk. Standing in the store, trying not to have a hyperventilating fangirl moment. Can't. Talk. Forget sampling balsamic vinegar or you know, actually selling to him. TO OMGTIMCURRY. Who TALKED to me. Tim Curry talked to me and he has Voice and I'll be in my bunk and.... *floppy arms*

So he walks over to our display of honey body balms and other wonderful botanicals, and is examining them and I walk over to him, intending to say, "Ah, yes. These wonderful honey botanicals, so fragrant, made by nuns! When we uncap the bottles and spritz the store, they are so fragrant that bees fly into the store looking for the source of the smell. Reallywonderful stuff Mr. OMGPONIES Curry."

What came out of my mouth was, "That'll give you, er, bees."

"That'll GIVE YOU BEES." ya'll. I said. To OMGTIMCURRY. Bees.

He left the store rather rapidly. At which point, I walked behind the counter and sank onto my knees out of sight of the store and was muttering and laughing rather hysterically. Like ya do. After a horrible bee incident.

"BEES." *smacks head*

"FUckin BEES." *smack"

"TIM CURRY." *smack*

Context is attracted to sweet transvestites.

F-locked post, so Cue Dubbya Pee, and stuff. Edited to correct spelling of ame_chan's name.

Friday! This has been one long, draggy weekend full of pollen and headaches, and now cold wind. Hey, I'm an American taxpayer, I shouldn't have to put up with this! The Government ought to do something about it, like closing the borders to foreign air masses and legislating pollen emission limits!

Context is about cooking, oddly.