March 12th, 2007

scotty

The Days are Longer!

reptyle bemoans the arbitrary nature of Daylight Savings Time:

And I don't think America should stop here. Think of all the problems that could be solved this way! If you're like me, often you just don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done. What if we changed an hour to be only 40 minutes? Suddenly we all get twelve extra hours in our days! Like magic! But my favorite example is the rapidly expanding rate of obesity in this country. (And I want credit when obesity disappears following an Executive Order to this effect.) All we have to do is redefine the pound! When one new pound equals two old pounds, suddenly a 300 lb. gastropod turns into a svelt 150 lb. healthy adult! Sha-zam, the impending health care crisis facing our country is averted! (I'm surprised no one has invented a "women's scale" in the spirit of clothing sizes: "I only weigh 26!" I want credit for that one too.)

Context has set its clock an hour forward.

(no subject)

From this entry of yendi's: (QWP)

While watching Slings and Arrows last night, I had the most horrifying concept for a take on King Lear:

The Powerpuff Lear. With The Professor as Lear, Blossom as Goneril, Buttercup as Regan, and Bubbles as Cordelia. It works horrifyingly well until faced with the necessity of Mojo Jojo as Cornwall.

It would still be better than that fucking Mr. Magoo Christmas Carol.
villainslair - Rebels & Tea

Meta-Meta!

In response to alya1989262's MQ post about 300, patrickat says:

People should also remember:

1) This Xerxes was not the one from "Dune" or Disney's "Aladdin".

2) When most of the Greek army withdrew, 700 Thespians remained behind with the 300 Spartans for the last stand, which just goes to show that even a bunch of actors can be useful sometimes.

3) The Greeks ultimately defeated the Persians and drove them back, a fact that is attributed by some scholars to the Persians' failure to bring a flag.


Context likes their MQs... COVERED IN BEES!
Default

When not to use your cell phone

flemco has some advice about when not to use a cell phone:

Look, fuckers:
- Stop talking on your cell phone when you drive.
- Stop talking on your cell phone when you use a public restroom.
- Stop talking on your fucking cell phone at the movies.
- And for the love of Christ, stop talking on your cell phone while you rape.

I don't give a fuck if you think it "isn't an issue" in how you go about your daily life: you're wrong. You drive stupidly, you sound like a dickhead in the toilet, you're ruining the movie and you're even raping poorly. Cut it out.


Context always uses a cell phone when it's proper to do so.
  • Current Music
    Ambient Noise
Castle - Writer

What one finds out in customers_suck

cryingcat613: I don't have turrets, but I do have castles.

lil_brown_bat: Yeah, I was thinking, "Well, if I had turrets, I'd probably be a little out there myself."

mr_sadhead: That's the neuro disease where the afflicted person goes around uncontrollably shouting the names of castles. "Stalker! Donegal!" It's pretty scary.

cryingcat613: Very rare, though I have seen many history majors and the occasional English major afflicted with it.

kittyblue: Especially fun when they hit the Welsh ones, like Caernarfon.

Context is when a customer, and spelling, goes wrong.

liek o noz, 2 mny lettrz in set-up...

nixtrinity's sister stole her calculator. Plan:


Calculator Recovery Plan of ATTACK!

A - secret agent walk to her backpack or
B - agent summersault to her backpack
C - break into her locker
D - tear apart her room
E - go under a computer penname and ask her where she has it
F - go into class (math) and pry it from her fingers and obliviate her with Voldemort's stolen (borrowed) wand
G - wear a ski-mask and run into gym locker room and search her stuff
H - shower because of plan G
I - kidnap her wireless internet adaptor and barter for the calculator's return
J - cry


Also, an anonymous poster has a bit of advice.

...the calculator in question was stolen by giant deranged mutant killer monster snow goons! Just a little heads up. They might be in league with your sister, but chances are they are working for the evil overlords of Zergon III. Because calculators with arms and legs are an endangered species on Zergon III.

Context has little calculator cartoons that make everything even better.
Veni Vici Vetinari

(no subject)

Over in fanficrants, a_white_rain has this to say about an often-neglected writing device:

Paragraph breaks are your very dear friend! They did not rape your puppy. They weep every time they're not used.

And think! It only takes a moment to press the 'enter' key.

THINK OF THE TEARS BEING SHED AND USE THE ENTER KEY.


Context worries about emo punctuation.
[Art] Deeeeeerrrrp?
  • drazzi

Context is in the slapper category

QWP from a F-only post, which proves how much awesome uko_chan is.

I am reading OTF_Wank and discovering that if you ever have the nerve to have a "hickey" you're a dirty, syphilitic slapper and are asking to be raped. Good to know! I am curious as to where this puts me and a certain lad at my primary school, however. The first lovebite I ever dealt -- or "ratty", as we so charmingly call them in Barnsley, short for rat-bite -- was when I was pretending to be a velociraptor and got a bit enthusiastic in my killing. That one was hard to live down. So, does this boy, because he was foolish enough to play Jurassic Park with me as a child, automatically enter the "slapper" category along with the poor Subway lass who is the subject of this wank? Enquiring minds must know.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused