December 29th, 2006

fuck up faerie

lhim goes to pick up her uncle's girlfriend from the boonies to to find she had...a lot to say?

lhim goes to pick up her uncle's girlfriend from the boonies to to find she had...a lot to say?

So, after about an hour and a half ... she's well into her life story. And I'm reading a book on martial arts, and as I lose my attention span on Neijia, she says the most horrifying thing of my life.

"Yeah, my mom had about five kids. Nine pregnancies, four were born dead. There was a set of twin boys, well, since they were born dead my daddy took 'em out back and burned 'em in the Dumpster."

My eyes shoot up in disbelief.

"Yeah, I dunno, I guess they smelled or somethin'!" And goes on to talk about how she went to the World's Fair in New York City.

My friends, I guess they smelled or somethin'.

Context is not going to hell, even if her mother is.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused, yet horrified
Tell it to the paw

(no subject)

transemacabre is about to embark on a treacherous journey into that realm that makes history geeks tremble in terror- bad historical fiction:

So you're Matilda, daughter and heiress of King Henry I of England, and you're in love with your cousin, Stephen of Blois. Is that so wrong? To answer that question, here are some selections of Haley Garwood's deathless prose from her novel The Forgotten Queen. Once more into the breach, dear friends! Once more into the breech(es)!

Context prefers our history without "Pr0n-tagenet" embellishment, thanks.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Cooking disaster kills 1,502

If you're going to boil down the goose carcass for stock / soup, make sure you have a pan that fits it, or cut in half lengthwise first. The top of my oven looks like the Titanic is sinking into it.

frandowdsofa realises she doesn't have enough lifeboats in her kitchen.

Women, children and context first.
  • Current Music
    The Damned, 'Eloise'
hot butch women, shane

poetic rhapsodies...

velocityboy reflects on his triumphant return to LJ:

Despite two weeks of absolute apathy towards LJ, absolute indifference towards my fellow man, and utter fatigue at the forced strains of assumed holiday cheer, I am re-birthed like a bitchy phoenix, ready to resume my writing duties and my need to bare my soul for the world at large as if I'm one part Morrissey, one part Sylvia Plath, one part reality-show contestant. (At least two-thirds of my whining will have artistic merit.)

QWP, Context is busy being androgynous, suicidal, and full of drama.

Oh, first impressions.

falciform_ruin takes a chance at Northwestern. And also eternity.


Short Statements

All applicants must limit the length of each statement to the space provided.

What fictional character would you choose as your college roommate and why?

If I could live with any fictional character, I would want to live with God. Having God in my room would mean perfection all the time: spotless floors and surfaces, no sleep-disturbing, drunken entrances at 3:27 AM, constant graciousness. I would never have to worry about making a decision that could adversely affect my future, because whenever I was unsure, I could ask my roommate God for His opinion, and it would doubtlessly be the right answer. And then suppose that I’m stuck on a Calculus III problem at 4 o’clock in the morning, I could always wake Him, who doesn’t really need sleep, and ask Him to explain the problem to me. But the biggest benefit of all to having God as a roommate?—I’ll actually have an answer to those questions for which the best answer I can get is “Only God knows that!” Goodbye, problems with French idioms!

Perhaps this will get me rejected from Northwestern and Heaven!"

From an open post, here.

Consider it a mercy mission

eyeless_angel is having trouble with the execution of Saddam Hussein.

"Now we have set the precedent that it's perfectly okay in international law to invade sovereign countries, depose their leaders and execute them. So when is Canada going to invade us and bring freedom, gay marriage, legalized pot, and universal health care?"

QWP, and context is standing on its head and whistling "Oh Canada."