Dear God or Whomever;
Please let me live forever so I can read every book ever printed. This is the only good reason for immortality and it makes the idea of being a vampire oddly palatable. Plus, hey---super eyesight! I'd be able to read in any light at all. "Hey, ginmar, we gotta go hunting."
"Yeah, yeah, lemme finish this chapter."
"We're vampires, dumbbell, not librarians! Didn't you read the memo?"
"I dunno---which memo? Hey, did it have werewolves?"
Picture an exasperated vampire smacking himself in the forehead ala "I coulda had a V8." As a matter of fact, ask yourself this: if there were vampires and one of them did decide to turn a geekball like me, what would happen then to the strain of geekiness that would suddenly infect the vampire population? It could start a vicious circle: book-addicted vampires attack librarians and book store clerks, get even more geeky, and then what? Do they take over bookstores and run the night shift while their human, er, staff do the day shift stuff? Do they seek out more and geekier geeks to attack? Do geeky vampires have a combination of super strength and all sorts of powers, coupled with the ability to drool at books? On the plus side, you could scare off a vampire by waving Danielle Steele at them, and you wouldn't even have to do that literally. You could just wave one of her books.
She later touches on Geek Heaven:
Of course vampirism wouldn't be necessary if Heaven is a library, that is. Having been paying attention to the wingnuts lately, I'm kind of concerned by the admittance standards. Is there a bouncer? Are you really going to let the wingnuts in? If so, is there a wingnut and not wingnut section? (Without and with books, obviously.) Why would I want to go to Heaven if there's the chance of meeting people there who think Heaven consists of some celestial reward that doesn't include books? Also, these are the kind of people who think books are bad. Wouldn't it be funny if they finally got to their, er, reward, and found out that God expected them to read for eternity?
QWP from Ginmar's blog Context is off recruiting for The Church of the Printed Word.