December 13th, 2006

Tell it to the paw

ginmar describes immortality and spirituality for the bibliophile:

On vampirism and geekiness:

Dear God or Whomever;

Please let me live forever so I can read every book ever printed. This is the only good reason for immortality and it makes the idea of being a vampire oddly palatable. Plus, hey---super eyesight! I'd be able to read in any light at all. "Hey, ginmar, we gotta go hunting."

"Yeah, yeah, lemme finish this chapter."

"We're vampires, dumbbell, not librarians! Didn't you read the memo?"

"I dunno---which memo? Hey, did it have werewolves?"

Picture an exasperated vampire smacking himself in the forehead ala "I coulda had a V8." As a matter of fact, ask yourself this: if there were vampires and one of them did decide to turn a geekball like me, what would happen then to the strain of geekiness that would suddenly infect the vampire population? It could start a vicious circle: book-addicted vampires attack librarians and book store clerks, get even more geeky, and then what? Do they take over bookstores and run the night shift while their human, er, staff do the day shift stuff? Do they seek out more and geekier geeks to attack? Do geeky vampires have a combination of super strength and all sorts of powers, coupled with the ability to drool at books? On the plus side, you could scare off a vampire by waving Danielle Steele at them, and you wouldn't even have to do that literally. You could just wave one of her books.


She later touches on Geek Heaven:

Of course vampirism wouldn't be necessary if Heaven is a library, that is. Having been paying attention to the wingnuts lately, I'm kind of concerned by the admittance standards. Is there a bouncer? Are you really going to let the wingnuts in? If so, is there a wingnut and not wingnut section? (Without and with books, obviously.) Why would I want to go to Heaven if there's the chance of meeting people there who think Heaven consists of some celestial reward that doesn't include books? Also, these are the kind of people who think books are bad. Wouldn't it be funny if they finally got to their, er, reward, and found out that God expected them to read for eternity?


QWP from Ginmar's blog Context is off recruiting for The Church of the Printed Word.
Malcolm Reynolds - Firefly

(no subject)

On the OHNY feed, readers debate how to get a public bus actually clean. Neutron bombs are proposed.

Me: Small boom, lots of gamma rays, fast disperal. Designed to decimate an enemy holding a point (town, city, fortress, etc) by killing all the forces & leaving the infrastructure intact.

I'm surprised the Israelis haven't used theirs yet.


computer_boy: Mainly because it'd ensure a destructive Hulk army.

Palestinians SMASH!


You shouldn't make context angry.

(no subject)

[info]bravestgirl on lifetime's to be fat like me & the plight of the chub:

"oh, and while i'm kvetching, when the hell are they going to create a magic skinny suit that i can (expletive here!) wear in a documentary? or like, any time that i want to fit completely into a tiny airplane seat, or be treated like i matter, or, you know. shop for clothes at anthropologie? (expletive here, as well!) fat suit people."

QWP/ friends locked.

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Trembling adored tattooed bird mad girl

It Would Be A Lot Like Risk, I Imagine.

tamnonlinear sums up Scottish sociology quite neatly, thank you:

"Last night I was talking to a friend about my plans for the weekend. I mentioned the demo dance I'm doing at National Geographic Society with my Scottish Country Dance group. He asked why we were dancing. I gave a quick thought to other traditional 'Scottish' activities (as perceived by Americans, even the fairly culturally-informed ones at NGS) and quickly determined that sheep herding, cattle theft, caber tossing, bagpipes, and golf are all hard to do indoors, and while I think that drinking whiskey and starting wars with England would be a fine way to spend a Saturday afternoon, I somehow doubt that it's a lesson that the parents of small children want demonstrated for them. I dunno, do you think it would be a bad idea to get the kids to form clans and fight with each other?"


Context is fomenting rebellion and hiding from the haggis.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
default

machineplay is having writing woes:

Imagine a happy little train. Perhaps, imagine the Little Engine That Could. Imagine the little train going chug-chug-chug up a hill and then woo-woo-woo down a hill. And then up a hill and down a hill and up a hill and down a hill and chugga-chugga-chugga around a bend at full speed! Only... THE TRACK IS MISSING! WOE, LITTLE TRAIN!

The little train plunges into the abyss with all its little passengers screaming their little dolly and teddy lungs out! OH NOEZ! What could have caused this tragedy?!

A PLOT HOLE IS TO BLAME FOR THE TRAGEDY. WOE.

So. Yeah. My writing's going about that well this morning.

How about you?


Context was written by Watty Piper
Greg Land rapes your childhood in ANIMAT
  • kali921

China: more metal than YOU!

innocencedenied explains *EXACTLY* how metal China was back in the day:



China: *digs*
Europe: KILL MAMMOTH. GET FUR. FEED WOMAN. MAKE BABY.
China: Omg copper!
Copper: *shiny*
CHINA crits METAL for 1000000000.
China has gained a level!
China: *digs with copper tools!*
Tin: *reveals itself!*
China: Omg!
Tin: *SHINIER*
CHINA crits TIN for 200000000.
China has gained a level!
China: *Has entered the bronze age*
Europe: LOL FLINT
China: *Digs with new bronze tools!*
Iron: Muwahahaha
China: !!
CHINA crits IRON for 9999999999
China has gained a level!
China: *Enters the iron age*
China: (5 min later) Omg, casting iron is 1337.
Europe: IF I HIT THIS SHINY ROCK WITH THIS OTHER SHINY ROCK I CAN MAKE IT POINTY.

CHINA WINS!

Context is ready for Metalocalypse right here. Flocked and QWP.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

More on Tofu and The Gay...

... hottest new topic on metaquotes by ignited_spark:

Tofu has been used to convert the population of Asia to homosexuality for centuries. China need not worry about any lack of women among its younger generations: those "extra" men without wives are homosexual anyway from one too many plates of ma po tofu. And if they aren't now, a few more meals ought to do it. Problem solved!

Obviously, all those Japanese men who buy used schoolgirl panties from vending machines and fantasize about pink-haired, doe-eyed hentai heroines are really just covering up the extreme GAY they have developed from all the endamame consumed at sushi joints. They're all queer! That also accounts for why Japanese women giggle so much -- they're waiting for the rest of the world to wake up and say, "Hey, wait a minute...all your men are fairies! That samurai bushido stuff was BULLSHIT!"


QWP (and is public and hysterical -- go read!)
Context prefers soilent green.

Edited to add attribution (doh, it's metaquotes)!
  • Current Mood
    ...is people!!!
sheep inside

Adam Sandler never mentioned THIS part!

 
joel_rosenberg explains Chanukah:

So, I went in, and he introduced me, and talked about how Chanukah was one of the holidays that we all celebrate this time of year (I think my body language said, "Say what?").

I kept it short. "Chanukah is the time that we Jews celebrate having risen up and killed people who tried to make us celebrate their holidays. You know, like Christmas."


Context has a little dreidl. QWP

Apocalypso!

From wordweaverlynn:

Many years ago, I rented the attic of a grad student in Mayan archaeology. Charles was charming and sweet and smart, and I liked his wife very much. He was teaching their four-year-old daughter Mayan hieroglyphs, and he'd made her a set of scale-model blocks so she could construct accurate Mayan temples. When they had built the temple, Charles would carefully place a Weeble Peple on top, little Hilary would knock it off, and they'd have a human sacrifice.

Context, QWP.