Metaquotes

ODE TO HOW BADLY I WILL FAIL TOMORROW

Oh, how I will fail
With the power of a thousand suns
As my TA looks on
Her beady eyes all slitty with evil
Bitch, we know you wrote this test
And also that you are a fucking twat
I hope someone pokes out your eyes
and takes a shit in your skull

Oh, how I will fail
Even though I know the material
You see, when we are not told what to study
We sometimes have a hard time
I know you don't believe this is possible
But it is, you stabby deathcunt

Oh, how I will fail
And so will you, and you you you you you
Basically, we will all fail
The last test average was %50
Everyone but that weird foreign chick who looks like Alison Janney
And she will fuck the curve for us all

Oh, how I will fail
But does it even matter?
Your ponytail blinds us all
And we crumble in the light of its greasy sheen
Also, I fucking hate you
You should have office hours and answer your students' emails because it's part of your goddamn job

Oh, how I will fail
And despite the futility of my studying
It has taken up the whole weekend
And now I can't study for my final on Tuesday
So thank you, cockshooter, for doing that to me
It was all just so fucking worth it.



Thank you. I'll be here all week.



Context. By the way, there might be strong language.

...

Cut away to a lymph node, where a squad of large, war-weary CD8 macrophages are passing a joint. Staff Sergeant T-CD4+ comes charging in.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! GET OFF YOUR PANSY ASSES AND GET INTO THE BLOODSTREAM! THERE'S A WAR GOING ON OUT THERE!"
One of the big guys cracks up in uncontrollable giggles, while another smiles lazily at the sergeant. "Mellow out, sarge. It's another false alarm, and if we go out there and start busting up infected cells, the Suppressors are going to throw us in the brig."

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QWP

Context has confused Fantastic Voyage with Das Boot.

soylenthill on writing (QWP):

I bought a copy of Stephen King's On Writing, and then realized I was asking Stephen King to show me how to write, which is a little like asking the Easter Bunny to decorate your Christmas tree - it's close, but so wrong.

filkerdave is ALMOST moved to sympathy:

You know, you almost have to feel sorry for Bush. I mean, think about it. Kofi Annan says Iraq was better off with Saddam, nobody but Orson Scott Card believes there were WMDs in Iraq, Bolton leaves, Rummy leaves, Chavez gets massively re-elected...

Context is here although what you see is what you get. QWP :)

dozydormouse solves one Xmas pressie dilemma:

I think my father's present crisis may have been solved. Everytime we ask what he wants for Christmas he says "Peace and Quiet" and "Grateful Children". We now think on Christmas morning he can receive earplugs in Christmas paper and we will adopt him a child form the Third World.

Flocked post but QWP.

dojigirl999 doesn't even need to make a saving throw:

There's a Games Workshop store between my workplace and Starbucks[...]. A couple of guys were painting minis near the front entrance, and as I was heading back to the store, lattes in hand, they started cat-calling me.

My response?

"So... Charisma was your dump stat, right?"

Then I kept on walking. The guys just sat there, dumbfounded.

It's times like this that I love being a gamer grrl.

Context is friends-locked and takes 7d10 damage.

QWP.

"...of course in all the stories they always have a clip or quote of someone saying it's about time we had a female president. Listen, I frankly couldn't give a crap whether the president is a man or a woman - I'm much more interested in having a president I don't feel like I have to apologize for. That would be a big first step. After that, we can talk about qualifications, experience, inter-personal skills, judgment and brains. Then and ONLY then - maybe not even then - am I going to waste my time worrying about their genitalia."

Context is really tired of *headdesking* to every White House press conference...

gablazes on conversation etiquette:

Just remember, next time you can't think of anything to say, it probably means you're bi.

Context is seen but not heard.

I think I've been hearing some bad sex in action...

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QWP. Context is bumpsqueaking next door to you.

Oh God. SAT time. And I'm tiiiired. I need to inject caffeine directly into my brain.

You know, I laughed at the idea of caffeinated soap, thinking, aha, who needs to become caffeinated in the shower?

ME. I DO. I NEED CAFFEINE SOAP.

QWP, and context can wake your bits up

phonographgirl has found a diet plan that she can stick with:

My lunch:

a fried egg sandwich on toasted oatmeal bread, spread with Hellman's Mayonnaise, topped with Kraft Singles & two slices of bacon.

The cholesterol special.

*gets up and makes another one*

Context is all about the caloric intake. Flocked, QWP. :)

__teejay
i've been 18 for 5 minutes and i dont like it .

This morning, the Small Children's teacher put out the full (knitted!) nativity scene on one of the front tables.
By the end of the day we sat them all down on the carpet, and the Investigation began:
"Now children, unfortunately we seem to have lost baby Jesus. Has anyone seen baby Jesus? Please all check your pockets to make sure you don't have baby Jesus by accident. Tom, are you holding baby Jesus? Oh no, it's a tissue, okay. Children this is very sad. Yes James, I think his mummy will be very upset. Oh dear, it's hometime. We'll have to have another look for baby Jesus tomorrow."

So, I'm taking bets. Where's Jesus?

suthnoli works with small children. (Public, QWP.)

nomaidenfair sends out her Christmas cards:

"All the Christmas cards are sent! The post office still hates me but they're sent. They think I'm shipping drugs to New Zealand or something. Did you know when you address packages to Canada YOU HAVE TO WRITE EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS? WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO YELL AT CANADA? CANADA NEVER DID ANYTHING TO ME. EXCEPT CELINE DION. OKAY, MAYBE YOU DO DESERVE TO BE YELLED AT A LITTLE."

Context will yell if she ever hears that Titanic song again. QWP, flocked.

ursulav has an intriguing idea:

You're stuck in line at the DMV? Barista screwed up your order? WHAM! Anal warlock to the rescue!

Context is a linguistic discussion of sorts.

bladeliger questions Livejournal's choice in lovers:

Maybe it's just me, but LiveJournal's performance has been below par for me since the last major outage. I've been getting timeout, database errors, and everything under the sun. This is both at home and at work. It's like LiveJournal slept with MySpace and caught a venereal disease. I call it Server Syphilis.

Context needs a shot to stop the burny drip.

"The life of a Desk Fungus (which is what I've decided to call myself, since I don't exactly sit on the couch, and thus 'couch potato' is inapplicable) is one fraught with peril. There's the Feeding Dilemma, wherein the unwary fungi is faced with decisions such as whether to lever themselves up and totter out into the Great Unknown Depths (aka - the rest of the apartment) and get something to eat, or simply stay put and hope that the food shall come to them. Then there's the Lack of Suitable Procrastinatory Tactics Dilemma, wherein the erstwhile fungi is faced with the fact that they have in fact exhausted the internet and that (unless they feel like obsessively re-watching everything they've downloaded for a third time) they have nothing left to do but what they actually should have been doing for the last two weeks. And then, of course, there's the least of the afflictions, notable only in passing, this affliction being the Deep Philosophical Musings Brought on by Fictional Shows Dilemma."

Context has an offer you can't refuse!

impure_impulse and darkenedwings had their muses engaged by an unlikely encounter with a cyber-flasher:

"Today we salute you, Mr.Ugly!PenisMan.
(Saluting uglyyyy peeeenissss man!)

You picked up a lost cell you found and sent a picture of your wang to some girl you don't know...
(Good god what the he~ell is that~?)

Others may break the ice slowly, but not you!
(Movin' way too frikkin qui~ckly there~)

Real men understand that's it the package that counts, not the presentation.
(Though maybe not in your case~~)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light with that one free hand of yours, Mr. Ugly!PenisMan
(Quit wankin' it for a minute~)

Because it's guys like you, that give other guys hope of getting any.


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Context received random, anonymous photo messages of an erect penis on a cell phone. QWP, flocked.