October 28th, 2006

  • fastfwd

czarina69 Deals With Serving Ware That Comes Out Of the Closet Even As It Goes In

My favorite was the giant aluminum 'sandwich and spread' dish, with ornate cover. Damn thing was 38 inches in diameter. This had to be shoved to the very back.

Me: "Wow. This should be the main feature in a bad sci-fi B flick. It's the Gooilad emperor's ship! With big swoops on top."
Mom: "That goes in the very back, on the bottom shelf."
Me: "I'm naming him Fred."
Mom:"....Why are you naming the sandwich tray?"
Me: "Anything this big deserves its own name."
Mom: "What about the avacado green chips and dip tray? It's going to feel left out."
Me: "We'll call him George."

So, while the rest of the re-loading escapade lacked proper nouns, ("This goes next to the thing with the thing..." "What? Mom, I need a descriptive adjective at least.") at least Fred and George were easy to describe. And Mom got into it after a little bit.

Mom: "I have no idea where this plastic pitcher goes..."
Me: "Oh, that was on top of George before."
Mom: "On top of George? Not Fred?"
Me: "Does that look like it would fit on top of Fred?"
Mom: "Maybe if Fred didn't have his top on..."
Me: "Then we have to find a spot for Fred's top. Remember how long it took to find his top last time?"
Mom: "We could store his top beside him."
Me: "There is no 'beside him', Fred takes up that entire back space. Leave him alone, he's fine. George isn't being useful, let's store it on top of him."
Mom: "Are we going to name the pitcher?"
Me: "Sure! That's Frieda."
Mom: "Frieda? No, Frieda and George cannot be on top of each other in my cabinet."
Me: "Would you prefer Pablo? Then you could have a two men on top of each other."
Mom: "Oh, that's just worse."
Me: "What? You've already got two gay men in there, why not one more?"
Mom: "How do you know they're gay?"
Me: "Mom, they are party serving dishes. Of course they're gay."
Mom: "How is a plastic pitcher gay?"
Me: "Okay, Pablo can be the token straight guy, but you still have a lot of gay serving gear in there."

Context is out, loud and proud.
(QWP, of course)
oh snap

The Christian Life, According to the Christian Inspirational Genre

shannon_f_r gives a poignant description of Christian relationships. QWP.

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl is coy, as Christ doesn't like harlots who wear skirts above the knee and bat their eyelashes at men. Boy is tortured by girl's coyness, although he recognizes that it is inspired by Christ, as manifest in figure of girl's father, a Baptist minister with a large collection of Confederate pistols. Boy goes to Big City, is tempted to do coke off prostitute's ass and watch CNN. Boy resists temptation, waits until girl is, oh, 16, and returns home to marry her in a big backyard wedding with lots of balloons and maybe a clown. Boy and girl live happily ever after in the backwoods, teaching their 14 widdle ones to shoot squirrels and love Christ.
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  • mcity

(no subject)

honorh on a "hating rap=racism" wank on Fandom Wank.
Oh, so I'm a racist now. Nice to know. And to think I thought I hated rap/hip-hop for the same reason I hate disco, bossanova, and doo-wop: they take a theme that might or might not have some promise, and then thrash it to death before resurrecting it like the Doctor and doing it all over again.

And the Doctor's cuter.