Also, to the little riceboy who hit on me last night at the gas station:
You were kind of cute, so I didn't particularly mind when you yelled out "Hey sexy" from the pump next to mine. However, when I proceeded to snort in polite derision and use my patented SarcastovoiceTM to compliment your lime-green riced-out Civic, you should have recognized the fact that I was making fun of you and left it at that.
Instead, you decided to puff out your chest, lovingly caress the orange racing stripes, and proceed to regale me with stories about the time you beat a Viper off the line and spanked it all the way down the quarter-mile. You see, dumbass, I'm a girl, not an idiot. The fact that I drive an all-stock Hyundai does not mean I know nothing about cars.
You know that look people get when they're trying really hard not to laugh? And maybe those little snorting sounds that are really the beginnings of aborted laughter? I know I was doing that, particularly because it took me three tries to ask you what you had under the hood. I'm nice, you see. I was willing to entertain the idea that maybe you were driving a Viper or a 'vette, or ANYTHING faster disguised as a Civic. Hell, even a freaking Lancer Evo or SOMETHING. Come on. See, lemme tell you a little story, sweetheart, since you apparently know jack shit about cars in general other than green and orange apparently look awesome together. The Civic? 140 hp at 6300 rpm in a 1.8L 4-cylinder engine with 128 ft/lbs of torque at 4300 rpm. On a good day, assuming you're good on that manual. The Viper? 500 hp at 5600 rpm in an 8L (or thereabouts) V10 engine with 525 ft/lbs of torque at 4100 rpm.
If you're claiming to have beaten this guy off the line AND whipped him in a quarter mile, then either you're delusional, or the guy didn't know he was supposed to be actually racing
you. Especially when you gave me a confused look when I asked what was under the hood. I rephrased for you (since the pumps were hella slow) by asking if you'd modded it at all. You sealed your own fate when you told me that you'd put on a body kit and had it painted. Yes, that was pure astonishment on my face when you thought that's what I meant. Just to be sure, I asked if you'd made any mechanical improvements.
No? It's a Civic coupe in all it's stock-y glory?
Le sigh.Context is boring out the cylinder heads and installing Carillo rods here.
Public post, QWP.