September 5th, 2006

What's your superpower?

War is Peace.

Not once since the institution of the terror alert level system been below yellow. Why is that? If this is the level of alert we should expect to live with, why not make this "green - exercise ordinary caution"? That way elevation would actually mean being alerted to a real danger. As has been proven in the last 5 years, there is almost never any danger to the average U.S. citizen on a day-to-day basis. We are free to go about our lives, taking ordinary precaution.

Except it does not serve the purposes of the government to allow us to think that we are in any sort of a normal situation. Nothing as soothing as green is to be allowed.

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    scared scared
Pinky Scumbag

psychopepsquad brings an animal news headline

"Crocodile Hunter" Finally Assassinated
Joey K. Roo

Queensland ANS-- The man known to the humans as "The Crocodile Hunter," and known to us as a colossal irritant was finally taken out of the picture today while performing yet another truly annoying act just off Port Douglas. The act itself was committed by Tony Stingone, a ray with vast and well-respected experience in sting operations. It is unclear whether Stingone acted alone.

Potential collaborators are the Crocodile Mafia, although no statements about this event have been obtained as of this printing (they were too busy celebrating), and the Python Freemasons. Her Majesty's Wombats are, as always, entirely closedmouthed and somewhat belligerent when approached.

The human world may mourn his passing, but we welcome the break. No longer will we have to warn our children that if they don't look out, Steve Irwin will grab them, wrangle them, and stick his thumb up their assholes.

Context is for the Crocodile Mafia

What a boy wants

mom_almighty says here:

I'm reasonably certain that the Gerber people have laced their Stage One bananas with crack. I have no other logical explanation for the fact that my five-month-old starts quivering like a junkie with a jones the second he hears me pop open a container.

On the up side, watching an infant freebase bananas really is as entertaining as it's cracked up to be. No pun intended.
runs like a queer
  • jaig

bribitribbit develops the Best Ever Phone Security Measures

So Sara had to come up with a new security device on the telephone.

SARA: You sound funny.
BRITT: …No, I don't.
SARA: Yes, you do. Is your name Brittney?
BRITT: *long pause* Yes.
SARA: Okay. And you think gay cowboys are…
BRITT: Rather sexy?
SARA: Mm-hm. Say 'I'm Hermione Granger.'
BRITT: *in normal accent* I'm Hermione Granger.
BRITT: *calls back*
SARA: Hello?
BRITT: *in British Hermione accent* I'm Hermione Granger.
SARA: Oh, good, it is you.

QWP, context will never crank-call
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    I'm never ever calling her