August 10th, 2006

goddess

Let's really get use out of those frequent flyer miles!

camwyn has this lovely suggestion for countering terrorists attempting to hijack planes.

I think we should fly naked.

Screw this whole metal detector, empty your pockets, let us look in your purse thing. We fly naked. All of us. You want on the plane for legitimate reasons? PROVE IT. Put your clothes in your baggage and carry your reading material in your hand. At least you won't be alone. Every single person on that plane other than the crew will be in the same boat as you. Yeah, the airlines will have to put covers over their seats and replace them every flight, and invest in a bunch more blankets, but on the other hand, I suspect complaints about the airline food will drop off in a hurry. Being surrounded by uncomfortable pantsless strangers will kill most people's appetites. Not to mention that people with a fear of flying probably won't even remember their fear. They'll have a WHOLE NEW phobia to deal with. At least there's a good chance they won't have to deal with the Chatty Stranger Who Won't Let Them Sleep, since I suspect most such would-be chatsters will be staring straight ahead a lot more than usual.

Damn it, if the terrorists insist on using the Blow Up The Airplane YAY plot over and over and over again, they should have to pay for it. You want your explosives on that plane, mister? WORK FOR IT. Go talk to your drug-smuggling friends and the mules who work for them. Just how much explosive yield can you fit in your digestive tract before you can't get through the airport door? Have fun getting it there.
python

Meta-Meta!

From this discussion of naked air travel:

"We've gotta get these motherfucking snakes off on this motherfucking plane!"

It's action...

Random woman: Ahhh! It got me in the eye! *hysterical crying*

It's suspense...

Pilot: *grips the controls* This feels fleshy... *looks down* OH MY GOD, I'VE CAUGHT THE GAY!

It's danger...

Doctor: I've never seen a snake this big before...Alright, folks, stand back: I'm going to have to extract the venom the old-fashioned way...

*mothers cover children's eyes as he goes to work*

It's Samuel L. Jackson like you've NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE...

Samuel L. Jackson: That's it, folks. I have to go down there, and I have to do it alone.

*sympathetic travelers watch with tears in their eyes*

It's IN YOUR FACE ENTERTAINMENT!

Random teenager: *leans over to kiss boyfriend with eyes closed* I love you, baby-- *opens eyes, sees what she's kissing and screams*

TROUSER SNAKES ON A PLANE: COMING SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT TO A THEATER NEAR YOU
rickrolled

snakesss...

hobbitblue has a new baby snakey, with a suprising habit..

Snake: is spending evening snoozing
Humans: What's the snake doing *peer in* Oh, snoozing.
Snake: *snoozes*
Humans (periodically): Snake?
Snake: zzzzz

Time passes...

Humans: Snake? Aww, lookit the cute snake, he's up!
Snake: *slithers* (cutely)
Humans: *die of cute*
Snake: hmm, wonder if dere be fishie? *slithers to bowl, pops in, swims around*
Humans: *die further of cute*
Snake: no fishies, ho hum *pops out, slithers back*
Humans: *still entranced*
Snake: *snoozes*

A little later...

Humans: Snake?
Snake: *slithers out cutely and heads for bowl, this time submberging whole snake in cute spiral*
Humans: Aww, look, he's having a bath! *die of cute again*
Humans: Ewwww, the bath doubles as a toilet? Great.
Snake: *smirks* (cutely)




thats the full post, but entry is hissing nicely here

  • Current Mood
    bouncy bouncy
agent may is unimpressed

Things One Can Learn From Working in a Bookstore

Romance: The romance section is a well made fun of researched section and thus little is to be said here. While we all know that women like royalty, pirates, and highlanders and that women's shoulders need to be well-aired in the presence of men, it is important to remember that the romance section features women doing lots of new and exciting things. Women can now have Thriller Romance, Paranormal Romance, and Romance in Space. In fact, the subsections of romance are so specialized that you could probably make a bookstore of just romance novels, each with their own section. Doesn't that scare you? Well, it fucking should!

--msmarvel1 skewered a lot of other genres, too.

lord of the flies: the snakes on a plane! edition

brightling and fiendery begin plotting about a new way to amuse oneself on a plane, now that everything 'fun' is deemed as a danger

Please rock paper scissors with the passenger beside you to determine if your weapon will be:
a) Cobra
b) Python
c) Samuel L. Jackson;

followed by

"That's IT. I have had it with these motherfuc--"
"Do you want to have some fun with the Lord of the Flies?"
"...no, sir."
"Then sit back down and play the damn rock, paper, scissors."