Metaquotes

Gini and I watched a British game show the other night. The amazing thing was the absolute lack of any suspense anywhere. In America, I’m used to huge musical stings (“Dun DAH dun!”) whenever there’s even the slightest thing on the line, but this was just a British guy who calmly informed us that 13,000 pounds were at stake and oh, gosh, they just missed this question, what a shame.


And at the end, when the winning team won the challenge against a team that had a thirteen-show winning streak, they immediately collapsed into a British heap of “I couldn’t have answered their questions” and “We didn’t deserve it”s as the credits rolled. I’m pretty sure that had I given them extra camera time and a leather strap, they might have actually begun to flog themselves.
-theferret also wants to play Dead Guy Hopscotch in Westminister Abbey

Context is seperated by a common language: http://theferrett.livejournal.com/777738.html

In response to this WTF post, which you all should check out

quasilemur responds to the fact that we live in a DIRTY PORNO MAKIN' SHITHOLE CALLED HOUSTON


Yes, but there's a disappointing lack of homosexual commie malt shoppes. How am I supposed to overthrow our nation's proud Judeo-Christian institutions without easy access to Lesbian Implications?


QWP, and is SO MUCH BETTER with context.

This is the original Good Wife's Guide.

Context just projectile vomited all over you.

(also QWP)

somecamerunning gets a medical exam:

“Now, I’ll need you to lie on your right hip, and bring your knees up to your chest. I’m going to examine you, and I’m just telling you now that if it appears you do have it, I’ll also be doing an internal exam.” I looked heavenward and concentrated on how I would blog about this.

from a locked post, Quoted with Permission.

Let us rest with this: asshats are everywhere. Assmillinery is the new black. And yet, was it not written: Avoid asshattery, o my people, and ye shall flourish, for lo, I the garrity your ljfriend say unto you, those who engage in the iniquitousness of asshattery make their own hells, and drag others into them, and then it's all "Ow! Ow! It BURNS!!" And really, it gets old, you know?

Context QWPs.

RE: Ohio man thinks it's his right to have sex with boys. QWP, even though it's an open post.

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gakifang now works at the Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife; she deals with *a lot* of stupid people:

Dear Florida residents under the age of twenty minus six persons,
You are all brain numbingly stupid if you can't even figure out how to write an address. If you are too idiotic to manage a scantron test, you are not fit to boat in the waters of Florida. And when you call me to bitch about not getting your ID, that is exactly what I'm going to tell you as it's rather obvious you won't survive by your wits alone. I hope you're cute and thus not a total waste of molecular cohesion.



ETA: QWP and

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ginmar notices that in vino truly there is veritas:

"Aw, Mel Gibson has decided to ditch the apologies - I think. Isn't he supposed to be in rehab? I didn't know they had rehab for bigots, but then again I thought alcohol made you say shit you didn't dare do while sober.

here, and QWP

tongodeon has an observation to make about senatorial elevators being overrun by the unwashed unelected:

What the Senators and their staffers don't realize is that the elevator is not something you just dump people into. It's not a truck. It's a series of vertical tubes. And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your Senator in, he gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous numbers of staffers, enormous numbers of staffers. Now we have a separate Senator-Only elevator now, did you know that? Do you know why? Because they have to be delivered immediately. They can't afford getting delayed by other people.

Context is just going to have to get in line.

dmilanflash got screwed in a bad way:

Friday afternoon I had sex. I was minding my own business when I got picked up by a huge chick. Her shadow had to cover at least 14 acres. This bitch was huge. For a moment I thought I'd have to roll her in a whole wheat field! Her name was College Apartments. Because she was so much bigger than me she got to choose where things went. First--First? What am I talking about? There was no first! She got the double-penetration on. She took away lostsynapse as my roommate and says I owe another $500. I didn't even get kissed. An' she gonna find out where she can put dat five-hundered!

locked post, QWP.

Today in thequestionclub,

fuzzyila says: "lol! yeah, I know, but let me tell you, colons taste alright :)"

and no, this was not in reference to the punctuation...

context:
http://community.livejournal.com/thequestionclub/12899536.html?mode=reply

somebodystrange:

Editor's Note: we do not endorse, formally or informally, anything that this idiot types.

I'm betting if you drink enough hard alcohol, not only will you sleep more deeply, but some of it should pass through in the milk and mellow out the hollering.

Editor's Addendum: don't worry, we're taking him out back for a beating.

helloheather:

unless he's angry drunk. i don't know if it's worth the risk.



Context can't hold its liquor.

From cenori, public post here:

Mom: *comes into my bedroom* Why are moths so hard to kill?

Me: *still half asleep* Murfnummem...

Mom: One came in with me when I brought in the groceries, and I whacked it with a newspaper, and it landed in the sink, so I stabbed it with a knife.

Me: It... what?

Mom: I stabbed it with a knife. It didn't die, so I stabbed it again, and then I flushed it down the toilet.

Me: You stabbed a moth with a knife?

Mom: And then I flushed it down the toilet.

Me: . . .

Mom: . . .

Me: You stabbed a moth with a knife.

gigglingirl3001 makes a snarky remark about a suefic:

It's always nice to know th[at] King Arthur built Camelot for the goths.

QWPed, context mocks sues mercilessly.