, in the comments of a post about Fred Phelps, discusses
what might happen if someone called 911 in Topeka to complain...
Topeka Police Department: "911, do you have an emergency?"
Caller: "Does Fred Phelps count?"
Police: "You hurt?"
Caller: "No, but my brain aches."
Police: (in an eager, hopeful tone of voice): "Is it, er, he hurt? Did he come in contact with a boot or a baseball bat or thrown tomatoes or potatoes or fruit? Were there cream pies involved? Did you try cupcakes of the kind that nobody likes? How about pineapples? What about Silly String? How about Airborne snapple---it's really sticky and he'll have to take a bath for the first time since.....Hey, do you by any chance have a trained pet skunk? No? Would you like one? How about a badger? How about a rabid bobcat with polyester issues? Oh, what?"
Caller: "CAn I kill him?"
Police: "Well, technically, sir, it should be may I rather than can I, because that would depend on the method you chose and how good your lawyer was."
Caller: "May I kill the sorry SOB?"
Police: "I'm sorry, sir, that is still against the law."
Caller: "But he's gnawing on my dog!"
Police: "Oh, well, in that case--------Get the SWAT team ready!"