August 1st, 2006

Vincent

Kids do the darndest things

mom_almighty describes her son's new superpower:

Ethan appeared at my side, very proudly and shirtlessly, saying "Looky here, Mommy!" and pointing excitedly to his chest, where he'd clamped a pair of magnets to his left nipple. (I've spent some time wondering whether, if I had magnetic nipples, I'd use the power for good or evil.)

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's SUPER CONTEXT!

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    amused amused
Seriously

Fred Phelps emergency call

ginmar, in the comments of a post about Fred Phelps, discusses what might happen if someone called 911 in Topeka to complain...


Topeka Police Department: "911, do you have an emergency?"

Caller: "Does Fred Phelps count?"

Police: "You hurt?"

Caller: "No, but my brain aches."

Police: (in an eager, hopeful tone of voice): "Is it, er, he hurt? Did he come in contact with a boot or a baseball bat or thrown tomatoes or potatoes or fruit? Were there cream pies involved? Did you try cupcakes of the kind that nobody likes? How about pineapples? What about Silly String? How about Airborne snapple---it's really sticky and he'll have to take a bath for the first time since.....Hey, do you by any chance have a trained pet skunk? No? Would you like one? How about a badger? How about a rabid bobcat with polyester issues? Oh, what?"

Caller: "CAn I kill him?"

Police: "Well, technically, sir, it should be may I rather than can I, because that would depend on the method you chose and how good your lawyer was."

Caller: "May I kill the sorry SOB?"

Police: "I'm sorry, sir, that is still against the law."

Caller: "But he's gnawing on my dog!"

Police: "Oh, well, in that case--------Get the SWAT team ready!"
laugh

puree two guinea pigs and strain through a fine sieve

misia is doing a meme where people ask her questions and she tells them lies.
jhames -- You never liked my meatloaf recipe, did you?
Look, it's not personal, I already told you that any recipe that starts "puree two guinea pigs and strain through a fine sieve" is just not going to be on my top ten list.

cscottd -- Can I have a pony?
No. You emit anti-pony rays. You would kill any pony within 5 feet just by standing there.

QWP. Context wants some pureed guinea pigs.
Joss Equality Now

booster17 gets in touch with his inner 14 year old.

Yesterday's Mirror newspaper:

An infertility group yesterday called for more sperm donors as Britain faces a shortage.

The group says stocks have dropped since a change in the law last year that abolished the right of donors to remain anonymous - and it claims there is evidence the whole of Scotland is being covered by a single donor.


And they told us it was snow.... :P



Post here
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    giggly giggly
han home early

macben arrives in Tokyo for the intro to his year-long JET program...

macben2002 leaves for Tokyo from Chicago...

The plane ride was 13-14 hours long, and entirely uneventful. Except for a truly horrible in-flight movie selection, nothing merits discussion here. Honestly, who thinks that Failure to Launch and a two-hour biographical documentary on Tom Cruise will make fourteen hours of microwaved vegetarian lasagne and two inches of legroom more bearable?

...has insomnia upon arrival, and goes out to eat...

There were three kanji on the ticket, and the cook indicated that I had to pick one, so I went with tree with little box. It was delicious. I highly recommend tree with box if you’re ever in Tokyo.

...and takes a walk around the city...

I was walking around a backstreet when a door opened and a somewhat hunch-backed elderly Japanese person came out and ran over to me. He looked me in the eye, pointed down a staircase leading only to a beaded curtain and said, “Mistaa… you like a massage?” No, sir. No, I do not like a massage. I don’t know whether it was him that would be administering the massage, or someone else, but I didn’t really want to find out. He followed me a little bit, but being blessed with the vigour of youth and slightly better posture, I was able to out-run him fairly easily.

The whole entry is hilarious, interesting, and public, here: Ben goes to Tokyo!
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    amused amused
dancing squirrelly

millym over in customers_suck...

Now, I'm not one for creationism, the idea that god waved his hands, or, in a much greater demonstration of awesome, god did a sassy z-snap to create the universe, followed by a head jive just for good measure. Then, suddenly, there were people put on Earth when God pole-danced to heavy bass thumping music. And there were people, and the Earth, and vodka, and jalapeno poppers, and things were good.

Context is wiping cola off its monitor.
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    amused amused