July 27th, 2006

kitty milk!

salicyclic hates her customers

overhead in safeway yesterday:
guy: you should go and see a hypnotist if you're serious about quitting smoking
girl: (all giggly and embarrassed) what? ewww! you are sooooo gross! shut up!
guy: (confused) what? my brother went and he said it worked straight away..
girl: your brother? what's a hypnotist?

these are the people that i take all manner of abuse from every shift. i hate my job.

flocked, qp'd, SAUCE: http://salicyclic.livejournal.com/101775.html

(no subject)

flouritephoenix's grandmother is missing...

My mother called me and while she was on the phone with me, realized that the urn containing my mean now dead grandmother is missing. Which is not an ideal situation. My dad is in China, and she doesn't want to email him saying "Hey, I can't find the tennis racket, or your mother..."

(This is the beginning to a brief but entertaining story.)

QWP, Context is hiding the Dustbuster.
Alpha Bitch Club

(no subject)

The ever-pithy misscam indulges in a bit of international political commentary (here):

Israel, in the immortal words of fandom-wank, bitch, please. The best you can say is that the world has given you a yellow light because they can't agree on whether to use a traffic light, a traffic warden or a Zidane headbutt. Also, they'd like to give Hezbollah a speeding ticket so very badly, so they're a bit distracted by that too.
  • Current Mood
    complacent nodding in agreement
in flight

pushingmetaphor pwns all j00

A friend who is categorically against porning attempts to write a romance novel:

"Um," said Bob.

"Er," said Jane.

There was a pregnant pause.

"Um--"

"Er--"

And then the powers that be got fed up with the whole thing, and so Bob and Jane shagged.

It was very romantic and full of love except the bit where Bob accidentally bumped into the headboard, and they lived happily ever after with two goldfish and a pony.

THE END.


QWP. Context actually doesn't explain anything, and is locked.
the shep! the hair!
  • soleta

(no subject)

lordmork, here:

Mork: "Ha ha ha! I can drive again! To celebrate, I will do just that!"
Gas Station: "Ha ha, $1.159 gas, Bitch"
Mork: "...I recall driving feeling less like unlubed anal sex. I really do."


ETA: CANADA. gas in CANADA is not only in canadian dollars, but also they use those funny things called LITRES.
  • ems

thenorthernline does us all a favour.

I am on "Vox"!

http://lewis.vox.com/

I registered that name so that in a few years time, when "Vox" is a global phenomenon commandeered by Rupert Murdoch and his team of monkeys, I will be able to boast of my salt-of-the-earth status, and thereby counteract the hordes of bandwagon-jumpers. Also it means that Lewis MacCreedie, 16, of New Jersey, is unable to post pictures of his mutilated arms under the wistful banner of his first name, in a piss-poor act of solus romanticism. A victory for common sense!

thenorthernline | whole post | unlocked
skeletor

(no subject)

sixospades on questionable judicial decisions over on wwu:

WTF is up with this "Procrative abilities = rights of a civil union" crap? Does that mean if I perfect human cloning, I can marry myself? Or clone 27 copies of Jessica Alba and enjoy legally sanctioned polygamy, because technically I'll only be married to one person?

ETA another one on the same topic from bolddeciever:

Guest: "This kind of snail can mate hermaphroditically... one snail might be fertilizing a snail in front of it, and another behind that one might be fertilizing it, till you have a whole line. But the one in front is out of luck, so they've evolved a behavior in which they form a circle, each fertilizing and being fertilized."

Host: "Wow, what would the supreme court think of that, if it went on trial?"

Guest: "Well, if they did go to trial for this, and one of the judges tried to pick one up, the snail would squirt him with purple ink."
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