July 26th, 2006

apoc

Gay Tivos

From this post http://brooding-soul.livejournal.com/724464.html by brooding_soul

My supervisor said that his Tivo knows he's gay because, and I quote, "I guess I’ve spent too much time on the WB and Bravo networks. Toss in Janice Dickenson’s Modeling Agency and the cheesy monster movies on Sci Fi where viewers are bound to see pretty men running about in various states of frightened undress, and it’s no wonder I’ve confused my electronic devices."

I replied, "Thank God I don't have TiVo to observe what I watch. I watch more ABC Family than I care to admit (7th Heaven reruns, Gilmore Girls reruns, Kyle XY), the WB (GG), Bravo (Project Runway, Top Chef, Kathy Griffin) and MTV (Made, Next, My Super Sweet 16). Oh, and don't forget Disney channel. Had I a TiVo, it would spontaneously turn pink and record with a lisp."
baseball

(no subject)

bluesilverkdg is wooed online by a few interesting suitors:

Now, I have saved the best for last. Our final contestant is representing the great state of Ohio, and girls, is he ever a winner!! I'm not kidding. John is the Man With No Punctuation and a fine, fine writer. He has a 15-year-old duaghter named Larua, and is presumably dyslexic. I'm not totally sure what he's trying to say here, but I do have to give him props for most creative use of the verb "is." At least..I think that's what he means.

Last, but certainly far from least, I bring you...JOHN:
hello beautifull angel

am john m 40 going 41 from ohio i have one duaghter her name is larua
she is 15 now will sweet angel am not here to play a game with you or
talking about sex because am a kindly man with self heart feeling so sweety am here for a good relationship i need someone who can take good care of me and to live with me for the rest of her life, and who i can live woith for the rest of my life am reall so worrie about this isses because my duaghter laura alway worry me about this isses she alway told me that i shuold look for a woman who can be taking good care of her that why sent you this message so pls angel you know am still new of this if you want to know a littel about me i want you to add me right now because am online waiting for you this are my yahoo ID ,,,XXXXX,,,,,pls sweety add me now am still waiting for you
I do have to agree, that this guy needs someone to "take care" of him, because he clearly is not capable of doing that on his own. He is online waiting for me. I hope he didn't wait long.


Context needs a date.
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    Only the lonely know why I cry...
Die, Yay

A story of squeeage

Backstory: suain ordered something from Korea a while ago.

1. Earlier this week while checking email
ME: "... Squee!"

2. Checking (regular) mailbox today
ME: "OMG SQUEE!"

3. At Swedish equivalent of Post Office two minutes later
ME: "Squee!"
EMPLOYEE: "Pardon?"

4. At home poste haste
ME: "SQUEE SQUEE SQUEE!!!


QWP from this image heavy post
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me; deep cove

Secrets are like puppies?

erinsaurus is (well, was, since this entry is like a week old - sue me, I was on vacation) planning a surprise for her girlfriend:

"i think this is actually the longest i have ever been able to keep a surprise secret from the person it was meant for. i just get so excited that i ruin them. kind of like when a dog gets excited and pees a little, right on your new area rug that you just fucking bought, and when you get out the steam cleaner it fucking blows out the circuit breaker, and now you have to go to the hardware store when all you were trying to do was come home and kick back after work and maybe have a beer or two, but no, the dog had to lose bladder control right in the geographic center of the fucking area rug."
d
  • visp

(no subject)

From Fourcorners, complaining about the heat.

I suspect that it's directly above Hell. Maybe one day I'll find a seared handle in the floor, pull it, and hey, there's dudes on fire down there. I'll pour some ice water down there in the hopes that it help my karma a little bit. One sinner will be like, "hey, you think you have a heat problem...don't suppose you have any Eskimo Pies up there?" Eventually I'll be caught distributing contraband ice cream (a controlled substance in Hell) and be forced to perform 40 hours of community temptation service for Old Nick. Kinda like normal community service, except it's spent urging people to engage in more vices.

Whole thing here