July 23rd, 2006


Spokesembryos Unite! A Liberal Take On The Idiocy Of Embryo Ventriloquism

(From a post by theferrett:)
"It's what Christ would have done," they told me.

"But..." I protested. "You could become humans. Fully-fledged children. Isn't that a temptation?"

"It might be," the embryo said, a half-formed tear in its half-formed eye. "But the truth is, we embryos are very sad."

"And why is that?"

"The Republicans," it said. "We're kings and queens of mankind to them, but once we emerge from the womb they don't care about us any more. Don't they understand that we embryos grow into children who must also be nurtured? Many of our would-be parents are toiling for minimum wage, either making $5,000 below the poverty level or working two jobs to get by... And suddenly, we're neglected. Our education suffers. Why would we want to come into a world that's governed by people who hate what we will become?"

"It's as if the Republicans loved the caterpillar, but hated the butterfly," I said.

"Yes. Better to give ourselves to the betterment of mankind. If one man will ever walk partly because of me, then I will have done more than I would have ever been able to do for humanity under the Bush administration."

"You are wise, tiny embryo," I said, and watched with a gasp as it grew tiny angel wings and flew into the waiting arms of science.
this celluloid dream

satarnion muses over the "golden retrievers" on his toilet paper.

What use does a puppy have for treasure? A puppy would see treasure and turn away, looking instead for the closest pile of feces to "discover."

Assumedly, this would be for children, who might somehow like the idea of a cute puppy finding gold. The kid might (although I can't imagine it) say, "Mommy, get the toilet paper with the puppy who finds the gold!" The child fulfills a fantasy of wealth beyond his wildest dreams every time he wipes that puppy's excited face along his backside. In the process, he completes the irony of the image by giving this paper creature something it might actually find interesting.

I would like to create a series of toilet papers depicting the actual process of fecal decomposition. Perhaps prints of e. coli slides, or of people at the waste treatment plant diligently doing their jobs. For a child to understand early that their waste doesn't simply disappear into a magical whirlpool might seriously impact the way they view themselves and their detritus.

Save money by using both sides of the context
weird thing

(no subject)

silentkid has discovered the most genius business pairing ever.

An All-State Insurance office located directly next door to a Psychic. How great is that!

Insurance Agent: "Well, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, everything certainly seems in order with your application."

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson: (together)
"Great, that is good news."

I. A.:
"But let us go next door to run it by one more person."

It gets better.

hawkelf warns of a spoiler-tastic post about Harry Potter.

Right. I have this theory, right? And it's about Harry Potter, which I sometimes have theories about and don't often talk about at all. But the point is... if you haven't read Half Blood Prince (though for heaven's sake why wouldn't you have, you're probably the only one, I mean I think probably the orphaned illiterates in Zimbabwe have probably read it by now, why haven't you?) you might not want to continue to peruse this entry. Or if you just don't like Harry Potter in the first place, which is incredibly understandable, you might want to skip along to the end bit, where there might be an Amusing Change of Subject.

Context is Rather Good. QWP.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

silly humans!

But what annoys me most is the ingratitude these idiots demonstrate with their dumbing down of humanity, the lack of appreciation for the gifts we have been given. Don't they realize how great and special it is that human beings are the only creatures on earth who can defy instinct? It's like whining, "I can't believe God gave me self-awareness, curiosity, and a moral compass for Christmas instead of the fuck-buddy I asked for! I'm not writing a thank-you note!"

here, qwp.
  • Current Music
    the fan.
PR || Cosmos

kthrin on pageants and fashion.

Somewhat apropos of Project Runway, the Miss Universe 2006 site makes a fabulous distraction. Makes you wonder if Kayne's craft isn't a tad overrated - a sufficient quantity of hallucinogens is all you need to dress people for pageants. I recommend you budget at least one tab for you and one for the girl you intend to sucker into your outfit....

Plus, there are enough bony torsos in swimsuits here to supply fast food outlets across the USA with McRibs for a month.

Kewpied ... context is gonna rock the swimsuit competition.
phoenix ezzicons/xiggy
  • conuly


From ladydiana

Boss: "I'd read your bumper stickers but they're all washed out. They're probably interesting."

Me (somewhat dismissively): "Eh - one of them is the Bill of Rights, the rest are varying quotes from the Founding Fathers."

Boss: "Oh. I guess I better turn the conservative talk radio off, then. To avoid any confrontations."

Me: . . . .

Me: *blink*

Me: ". . . so, are you saying, then, that conservatives don't respect EITHER the Constitution OR the Founding Fathers?"

Boss: *sputter sputter*

Now, in retrospect, I should probably not have said something like that to my BOSS, but seriously.

I'm still giggling over that one.