Metaquotes

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I call MBNA and I say I want to talk to someone about lowering my rate, so they say "Sure! Let me connect you to someone who can help you with that!" Apparently, that translates to "Let me transfer you to a number we have purposefully rigged to a connection that will literally never pick up and will simply tell you repeatedly that 'the next representative will be with you shortly,' play crappy jazz instrumentals, and periodically ring in an encouraging manner, only to repeat the hold message because we wish to to grind your soul into fine powder and get you to spontaneously combust before we actually have to talk to you!"

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QWP, context here, and all that jazz...

operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Chicken: Buuuuuuk-buk buk buk
operator: Excuse me?
Chicken: Buk-Buk-Buk-BukAWWWWk
operator: All units, we have a chicken related emergency at the old carnival.
.......
officer: I'm on the scene, apparently the chicken is having a problem with a murderous mascot.
operator: All units, be on the lookout for an elderly southern white male, white suit, black bowtie, white be-
officer: No, it's not Colonel Sanders this time.


Context has the APB.

Sorry blackmetalbaz, but the world is in fact really only 6000 years old. It was supposed to be 4.5 billion, but you know how it is with deadlines - you go down the pub for a pint or two, and a game of pool, and you get talking about Creationism and about whether You really exist or not (Ceci n'est pas un Dieu and all that), and when you come back, you find you've only got a week left to do the whole thing and hand it in. So you scribble down some plans, you get in the aggregate and the mixer and then the firmament's not solid enough and the oceans are too wet, and you find you've got nine extra planets, and the sun's too hot, and for some reason you've put a moon in and you're sure it wasn't in the plans and you're not sure if it's a gravity-fed moon or if it needs a pump. And by this time, it's the Third Day, and you start making stupid mistakes, like anteaters, and Blaxploitation movies, and Disco. And New Zealand. Frankly, He was rather hoping no-one would notice New Zealand.

QWP from a friends locked post.

james_nicoll thinks fantasy authors should try ripping off Eastern mythology for a change:

I'd say that the exotic-to-westerners names might be a problem but I recently read a fantasy novel where the elf names appeared to have been produced by leaning on the keyboard and that did not seem to be an impediment to sales.

The epic saga of mighty-thewed Context MacContextsson lies here.

kentox describes the religiosity of the English language:

We believe in one Writer, Chaucer, the Poet Almighty, maker of English and the world, and all things spoken and unspoken.

We believe in one Lord, Alfred Tennyson, the only Son of Chaucer, eternally begotten of the Poet, Writer from Writer, Light from Light, true Poet from true Poet, begotten not authored, one in being with the Poet. Through him all verses were made.

For us and for our salvation he wrote his verses; by the power of the Shakespearean Spirit he was written by the nonwriting Dryden, and became man. For our sake he was criticized by Allen Ginsburg; he suffered, died, and was buried; on the third day he wrote prose again in the fulfillment of the Sonnets; he ascended into the language and is seated at the right hand of the Poet. He will come again in glory to judge the remembered and the forgotten, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Shakespearean Spirit, the Lord and Giver of Words, who proceeds from the Poet (and the Son); with the Poet and the Son he is worshipped and glorified; he has spoken through the Authors. We believe in one Shakespearean orthodox and lineal Language; we acknowledge one red-inking for the forgiveness of misspellings. We look for the rememberance of the forgotten works, and the words of the world to come. Amen.

Grammar whores everywhere will rejoice, and amongst the nonbelievers of context there will be crying and gnashing of teeth. QWP.

In fanficrants, phoebonica posts about the misuse of Evanescence in fanfiction:

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emmycantbemeeko keeps me from expecting too much of my fellow man:

I long ago accepted that most people's notion of history begins and ends with the concept of "olden times", in which horses replaced cars and ankles were very shocking.

"but really. don't even bother trying to soothe people that are angry and pregnant at the same time. i managed to be deeply offended when the perfectly nice nurse offered me tea. there's something wrong when the internal response to "would you like some tea?" is "YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME? FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASTY HOT BEVERAGE. DIE NOW." [...]

even tea, apparently, has its limits. tea does not fix being in labor."

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captainsblog, flocked and quipped.

Over in flemco's journal, egearman is confused about an odd article:


I mean, the headline could have just as easily been:

"Fire at school caused by explosive dog barbecue to cover up tree theft."

No matter how you rephrase that, you still have to go "What? What do you... What?"