June 27th, 2006

random happiness, giddiness, jay and silent bob

...on a motherf'ing plane

felisdemens meets an annoying character at the pet shop:

Some muscle-boy felt the need to come over and posture in front of the python cage about how he could "take down" a 15-foot constrictor. Yeahhhh, okay. The store owner (?) disgustedly pointed out that the 9,000 pounds of pressure the snake could apply with one coil might be a bit much for Beef Hardchunk, but Beef was not convinced. I predict he will at some point feel the need to test this theory and get his head pinched off by a big annoyed snake - at no loss to society.


QWP, coiling around your neck, here
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    amused amused

(no subject)

joeguppy reveals the subtext when neat freaks and pack rats try to communicate:

Upon returning to the bedroom, I couldn’t help but notice a small old suitcase sitting on the floor. The following dialogue ensued. Now, for ease of understanding, I have also glossed the dialogue to provide the true communication being delivered.

Me: Honey, what is the suitcase?
(EEK! An out of place object! It disgusts me!)

Giles: Oh. I picked that up at a rummage sale this weekend.
(Mine! Mine! You can’ts haves it! T’is mine!)

Me: Um. OK. Why?
(An O.U.P.! Object of Unidentified Purpose! T’is evil and must be destroyed! This violates my Craftsman sensibilities.)

Giles: It looked fun, so I picked it up.
(T’is old, it is! A key it has, and a lock! T’is shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny! We must haves it, we must! T’is preciousssssssssssssssss!)

Me: So… what are you going to do with it?
(IT HAS TO HAVE A PURPOSE! Anything without purpose is a dust collector. Dust collectors attract filth and disease and will ultimately lead to the destruction of the human race! Have you not heard of Avian Flu? This could be carrying spores or bacteria or something! I feel a fainting spell comin’ on…)


QWP -- balance of the dialogue (all very funny) can be found here.
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Neutrality. Practicality. Arrogance.

He's got some of the best qoutes out there. No, really.

http://evitagenspace.livejournal.com/
...so, a couple days ago a friend and I are talking about the movie "Fright Night". Not a favorite of mine, but she's a vampire aficionado. And one of the comments she makes is, "Whatever happened to that guy who played 'Evil' Ed? I always liked him... I know he was on 'Amazing Stories' once, but what else did he do?" I sort of pause for a minute, and say, "Oh, you mean Stephen Geoffreys?" And she nods, and I say, "He quit professional acting. He does gay porn now."

...I swear, I think she disloacted her jaw to make it fall that far xD Before she hit me. And forced me to prove it to her.

(no subject)

tydestra says:

"Also, it's downright instant ROFL that the GOP's theme for the '08 election is going to be "Dems: They Cut and Run!" when the majority of the admistation danced around duty in 'Nam better than a oiled up stripper working the 1st shift on the main pole."

QWP

context
Turkish Delight

far_from_gondor has a conversation with her brother:

"For his sixteenth birthday my little brother was given a pocket knife with a detatchable thumb drive. So today, as I'm passing him in the hall, he's all dressed up to go out, in his "I Wish I was Jack Bauer" clothes, with a messenger bag and a heavy jacket because it's raining. He stops me in the hall, and pulls out his pocket knife, and hands me the thumb drive. In the next room over, my parents are asleep. All is dark. Thunder rolls ominously from beyond the walls of the house.

And then he says in a low, serious tone, "...watch the movie. It's called What The Muffin." And pausing, he hands me a CD, and adds, "...oh and you may need this." Thus saying he pats me on the shoulder, and walks down the hall, and out the door.*

* THIS IS A TRUE STORY. NO DETAILS HAVE BEEN ALTERED IT IS EXACTLY HOW IT WENT. I SWEAR"
-far_from_gondor (QWP)
Really pissed
  • hank

A succinct view of what movies are NOT doing

From Ginmar's "A View From a Broad"

"Anyhoo, these movies all feature Young Men with A Quest, whereas women's quests all seem to be for outfits, boys, and themselves. Guys always get the higher causes, and the intangible quests. How come? Oh, wait, never mind. Light dawns. Because those guys could't have a quest without women packing the Questing Lunch Bag and Suit case and doing the Questing Laundry before they took off. Questing is a guy's business.

"I want to see a movie about a woman on a journey who doesn't die at the end. I want to see her learn martial arts and shit and not be anorexic with tits the size of my head. I want to see her travel and find herself and lots of weapons. I want to see her appreciate other women, too, and them her. I want her to kick the crotchety old fart who still thinks he's Han Solo, and I want her fairy godmother to be some butt-kicking grandma like Missouri Mosley from Supernatural. You know how your mom could read minds and you hated it? Somehow that's cool in a fairy godmother. Maybe this quest is to recconect with our mothers, from whom we were driven by a patriarchy that sets women, even mothers and daughters, against one another."

Full post is here: http://ginmar.livejournal.com/788490.html

QWP
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punk chucks, converse - chucks, chucks

(no subject)

emiime, in response to a comment on her Georgia O'Keefe-esque iris icon.

Dirty perv. Stop besmirching my lovely pure incest fic with your filthy mind. XP


Link is here

I had quite the giggle.

(warning: entry itself is a short fanfic that ends with some slightly-more-than-brotherly kisses.)
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You Touched My Tra-la-la!

Bradbury at home

Someone on little_details wondered what the ignition point of paper was. nebulia responded with their anecdotal proof.

451 degrees farenheit is thetemperature where paper up and bursts into flame. Not only did I read the book, but, being the curious seventh grader that I was, I stuck a few pieces of paper in my oven, set my oven to 455 degrees (as it works in five-degree increments) and turned it on. Sure enough, a little after the screen read 450 degrees, my paper burst into flame and I had to run and find the fire extinguisher. But don't tell my parents; they haven't heard about it yet, and, since it's been more than five years, i want it to stay that way...
But yes, it is 451 degrees faarenheit. And I proved it.
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this ones from too_much_info:

iamblackship said:

I'll be the first to admit I'm a stupid fuck.

But it's taken me most of my life to realized that about myself. I doubt you could gather such deep knowledge from a paragraph of cocaine and dick mutilation.


PROBABLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK (graphic text)
Link.

and sorry to any mods for my repeated attempts to fix the links, deleting, retrying, deleting again of this post. i got frustrated.
abstinence doesn't work
  • jaig

dgcatanisiri makes a very good point

I turn on VH1 about half an hour ago. Their program is 'VH1 News- Plastic Surgery Obsession'.

The first thing that deserves it's own post: Someone wanted plastic surgery to make them look like Michael Jackson. Current Michael Jackson, not black Michael Jackson.

I don't think even Michael Jackson wants to look like Michael Jackson.

QWP
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