June 19th, 2006

dark goat

(no subject)

In wtf_inc, neuralstate reports from FL:

[commenting on a horrible local news story]

Why does all this crazy shit happen in my home state? Florida is like a witches brew of insanity. It's filled with the weirdest fucking people. Not "Holly-weird", like look at how crazy & kooky I am with my Burning Man outfit and my Kaballah. More like, wanna see my collection of human pineal glands? Completely unassuming seemingly normal people will be caught doing something ridiculous like raping a tree or cutting off the arms of homeless people.

It's probably the water, which I don't drink.
PR || Cosmos

_aiji_ has new addictions.

Dear Livejournal,
Ever since I've gone home I've been watching intense amounts of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Matlock. I'm sorry. It's like I've become a really nerdy senior citizen. Soon I'll be sitting in my room stroking my oldest cat while wearing a Starfleet uniform, drinking seltzer and eating prunes hoping that Data can help Matlock solve a case. And if I miss the early bird special at the local IHOP I'll pull a phaser on them and scream "MATLOCK CAN HELP ME WITH THIS ONE" or something.

Love, Cassandra

Flocked and quipped.
  • Current Music
    Stephen Lynch - It's Your Wedding Day
Futurama Holophoner

(no subject)

tarpo's answer to this week's LJDQ cracked me up.
3. The unit of mass (equivalent to 200 mg) used to measure gemstones is called what?

"I wish Gems had a more clever scale of measuring quality and stuff. Like how Hail is measured in Golfballs and piranha eating speed is measured in cows.. Maybe they should measure gem weight in blowjobs... 'Thats a fine Diamond there, Chuck. You should be getting 8 good nights of head for that one!'" - tarpo

Permission pending...



In which coggs makes a discovery:

How is goes down is this. We live in the bottom part of a two story house. When my housemates rented the place they were told that the upstairs neighbor was a single mom with a kid. That's fine, they thought, because you can't hear the upstairs, really, unless people are walking on it.

Except, of course, our upstairs neighbors are not a single mom with child, but rather two women with a cat on a leash. Read over that last part again, because it's the strangest part for me. It boggles my mind how anyone can A) get a cat in a leash and B) have it stay in the leash. But, not, if we go outside we'll often see the cat tied to one end of the stairs, playing happily in the grass. It is insane and I still can't get over it. Explaining the house to new people I always add "and there's a cat! ON A LEASH!" It's the weirdest part of this neighborhood for me, and so I am completely in love with it. If you were wondering, the cat's name is Robert.
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry

(no subject)

int laments the stupidity of job seeking:

Job hunting is like fishing, except you're doing it in some huge tourist infested lake that has been overfished. Sitting around waiting for a bite is the applications part, the resume is the bait, the reeling in is the interview, and the part where you find the fish is undersized and throw it back is all the jobs you think you've gotten but they fall through at the last minute. And all the annoying tourists catching things is everyone that seems to have their life in control. And contracts are... carp. There's a lot, and they're relatively easy to get, but they taste like vomit and won't feed you well, plus you can't live off them in the long-term.

Oh! And recruitment agencies are the big trawlers that go through the lake before everyone gets there and net everything, then try to sell it back to everyone at an inflated price!

From here