June 16th, 2006

alien christ

that's one pervasive rap

thebaconfat describes her trip to the zoo in this public post.

We also saw butterflies and a HILARIOUS LLAMA, and made fun of the naked mole rats. (I spent the rest of the day with Ron Stoppable's "Naked Mole Rap" stuck in my head. I once had to work an entire eight-hour shift with the Naked Mole Rap in my head. Do you have any idea what that's like?

ME: Hi there, can I help you find anything today?
CUSTOMER: Well, I'm looking for this certain type of chocolate that comes from special cocoa beans cultivated by an ancient order of cocoa monks --
MY BRAIN: I heard Smarty-Mart was havin' a sale on a hairless pink rodent with a long skinny tail
CUSTOMER: -- and I looked everywhere else but I need to find this one kind of chocolate, it's for my aunt, she's turning 90 and if she eats any other kind of chocolate she throws a fit --
MY BRAIN: He said, "You know this pet's hairless?" I said I couldn't care less!
CUSTOMER: -- and attacks the rest of the family, shrieking like a demented banshee, weilding her dentures like ninja throwing stars --
MY BRAIN: Handed him to me, said, "Be careful, don't drop it, and do you want this cage?" "No, I'll keep him in my pocket!"
CUSTOMER: -- and anyway, I think it's got a German name.
MY BRAIN: What is that, that freaky thing? Yes, that's right, it's a naked mole rat.
ME: We don't have that kind of chocolate here at [Store Name]. We only sell [Store Name] chocolate. ...Because we're a [Store Name] store.
CUSTOMER: I don't think you understand. She's ninety.
MY BRAIN: C'mon y'all, I can't hear the girlies sing! Listen to the Naked Mole Rap!
ME: ....
ME: ...I'm going to take my lunch now.

...So really, it's just like any other shift. Uh. Anyway.)

i hate it when that happens. QWP.
Artsy me - by Micha

"Crisis averted per vibrator", by nhudris_embrace

Your icon reminds me of a story that my friend told me.

She was traveling across the country on her way to Seattle and had to stop in a hillbilly town to pee at a gas station. When she came out two red necks where standing looking at her bumper complaining about the French opposing the US on it's middle east action.

Then one of the redneck unzipped his pants and began peeing on the bumper. She ran up to them and yelled "IT'S ELVISH NOT FRENCH ASSHOLE!" At which point she realized that she was on their territory and she was all alone. She turned and went to get in her car, one of them followed.

She got in and he got in the way of her door closing. To get him to back away she reached under her seat to get her knife and brought it out pointing it at him.

It was at that point she realized what she had actually grabbed was her candy-stripped vibrator. The guy jumped back and she sped away.

Crisis averted per vibrator. Is there anything they can't do?

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evil plan

Not politically correct

If you are a Libertarian, know a Libertarian, or can't stand Libertarians you are likely to find this amusing.

"For every undeserved dollar handed out by some profligate, bleeding-heart welfare state, an apple-cheeked child -- so young, so bright, so filled with potential -- bursts immediately into flame."

QWP from a comment on this thread.

In which teresa_jh discovers a contact lens in a very strange place

Please can someone explain how a contact lense ended up in my underoos? They were clean on this morning and I've only been to the toilet three times today and on the last visit there it was looking up at me. I sat there doing the winky thing to make sure both my lenses were still in and they were. No-one else has been near that region today (or for quite a while but that's a different story ::sigh::) Please could the rightful owner come collect it. Thank you.

From here. QWP.
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