June 13th, 2006

hey moon sticker

(no subject)

decapod_10 has been facing some irrational fears lately! So what's left?

Now I just need to give an emergency trachiotomy to a midget clown in an elevator that's stalled near the top floor, and then give a public speech about it in a tiny room overfilled with fidgety people, and I'm all set!

Context is here (but f-locked), QWP.

(no subject)

minimarz is pregnant, and discovers the joys of a newly leaking boob:

Course now I'm constantly avoiding squeezing them for fear they are just going to burst like a dam and a huge flood will soak the world and Noah won't be ready to collect the animals and it will all be DOOOOOMMMMMMM!!! DOOOOMMMM, I say!!!

flocked post, qwp

That'd be a great way to get out of schoolwork!

worldmage, in a comment thread on this post, wishes for a religious exemption from literature:

I mean, where in the Bible does it say "Thou shalt not read popular British novels"? I wish it did, because at the time I could've gotten a religious exemption from High School English classes. :D "I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but reading Charles Dickens is against my religion."

QWP, but it's a public post anyway. Go read; the whole post's pretty good.
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coffee aye-aye

The "Vacancy" Sign on my Uterus Buzzes Like Bates-Motel Neon

quizzicalsphinx feels some pressure:

I married my husband after a courtship of eight months. The general assumption of my family at the time was that I must be pregnant.

Well, a year came and went. The bettors were all disappointed. I began to get small fragments of encouragement: "There's no need to rush into things. You're both young. You should have a couple of years to enjoy yourself and just be a couple without the pressures of a baby."

Around the five-year anniversary, the winds shifted. The message became, "Should you two think about settling down?" 'Settling down', it seems, is a euphemism for 'having children'. Or else it is a euphemism for 'ending all other aspects of your life.'

Now, the tone has shifted yet again to outright worry. "Have you been tested? Is there something wrong? Maybe you should see a doctor." I assure them all that I have seen a doctor and that the doctor seems to believe that my inability to become pregnant may stem from our consistent and careful use of prophylactics.
[Contemplation] Deep silent complete

(no subject)

The ever witty a_hollow_year has begun to read Aragorn "Eragon", and kindly writes up her summary of the first chapter for those of us who haven't yet picked up the book:

"Because elves have enjoyed little popularity in the past fifty years of fantasy literature, we are treated to a lovingly dry description of them. The first and last elf, clearly expendable, are fair with pointed ears and elegantly slanted eyebrows. Think Mr. Spock with blond hair. Their builds are slim but strong. One carries as bow and arrows, one carries a dagger and a spear. The one with the spear also sports a "helm of extraordinary craftsmanship, wrought with amber and gold." Inobtrusive and sturdy. Excellent.

Between them rides an elven lady who surveys her surroundings with "poise". She's purty. She also carries a pouch in her lap that she looks at a lot, "as if to reassure herself that it was still there." There is also a bright, flashing sign above the pouch, bearing the words "PLOT, PLOT"."

Read the whole thing, I command you. It's hilarious.