June 10th, 2006

grampa treefrog

kpooka17 works at a call center for roadside service, and has the following conversation:

From kpooka17's locked post, QWP:

Me: tell me mam, how did the truck get buried
Mbr: I was driving and getting wood and it got buried
Me; yes but how did it get buried
Mbr: hold on
Mbrs hick relative: well we were driving the truck and collecting wood when it got buried
Me: oh of course, that makes perfect sense you were driving your truck and getting wood when the evil wood fairies took a giant shit on your truck. Happens all the time sir.
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Excellent advice

This also applies when tasks are being doled out, and someone gets stuck with one, but they clearly don't really want to do it and don't quite understand why it needs to be done. Follow them. So that when they drop the ball, you can pick it up on purpose, rather than having someone walk up to you a month later with a deflated ball that they found out in the street, having just been run over by a delivery truck, but that you might want because it has your company's logo on it.

--xthread in this post. QWP.

(no subject)

edallia has done it again. A conversation ensuing from having a bad day week month existence?:

Today, I wanted to commit violent, bloody suicide. Not because I especially want to be dead, mind you. I just want to piss someone off with the mess. I want them to regard my mangled corpse and say, "damn you, Edallia! Damn you to the darkest reaches of Hell! You've completely ruined *my* day! This is the last thing I wanted to deal with right now!"

Ali: ... actually, I understand that.

Full entry here.
Mine is an evil laugh! by rimrunner

(no subject)

johan_j is not feeling the World Cup love:

Memo to the Swedish National Team:

See that big thing over there? That big white thing with the posts, the bar and the net? That's the opposing team's goal. No, not that one, that's your own. Ah, good. Now see, what you do is you put this ball - and I know you defenders know what that is; you've been leisurely passing it among yourselves like a bong - into that goal. Yes, that one. It's called "scoring." Say it with me. Scoooooooring. Do it enough times, and you win the game. Hell, in this game, do it ONCE and you win the game. Now, and this is the important bit, failing to do it even ONCE, against a team with TEN PLAYERS ON THE FIELD, a team that SUCKS MIGHTILY, means you suck.

So, in light of recent events: you suck.

The management will now commit ritual suicide with an offside flag.

Thank you, and have a nice day.

  • Current Mood
    amused amused
lon chaney
  • gwalla

How gardening is like politics

ursulav's posts on gardening are usually entertaining, but I especially liked this one. An excerpt:
All my dreams of the peaceful, Zen, one-with-natureness of gardening have largely been shattered by now. Instead, I find that gardening is like being El Presidente of a sulky and dissatisfied nation made up of thousands of seperate ethnic groups, many of whom are mortal enemies. No peaceful coexistance for plants. I find myself crowding them into terra cotta prisons, setting up botanical reservations, savagely beating anybody who slinks out of line. "Tear down this railroad tie!" cry the plants, crowding at the edge of their bed. Instead, I send in the army. (Okay, James.) There are beheadings. The weed whacker is used with a cruel and indiscriminate hand. The injured plants crowd back in the bed, lick their wounds, gaze at me with intense dislike. "The butterfly weed isn't even USING this space!" the ground ivy grumbles, as I rip it out. "Why can't I?" "It's not yours," says El Presidente. "To the gulag with you!" "Jerk," say the plants.

"We've been here for generations!" they cry, as I tear out swaths of plants and shove in natives I think ought to live there, recreating a sort of vegetative Palestinian/Israeli conflict in the bed. The parallels are undeniable. Suddenly I find myself thinking of the British settlement of Israel, not just as an interesting idea done badly, with no long-term planning, but as an exercise in gardening guilt. There is nothing I could have done to stop trillium from becoming endangered, I wasn't even born yet, and yet I will rip out ivy that's existed in this spot for fifty years to try and restore the abused trillium, and run roughshod over the ivy that tries to intrude. Does the ivy resent my interference? It has every right to. But what else can you do?
Watermelon is painful

bachelorettia vs. Brain

Last night I had dinner with Hai Phung, which was lovely, and we had beers and burgers and I was full after that but then she started talking about dessert and I was all, "ooo blueberry crumb pie" and pfft.

Brain: You don't need that pie. Don't get it.
Me: But I want it. And HP is getting key lime pie.
Brain: HP weighs 95 pounds. You weigh... not 95 pounds.
Me: Are you calling me fat?
Brain: Probably.
Me: You hurt my feelings. Now I need to sublimate my angst with pie.
Brain: Fuck you!
Me: Piiiiiiiiie.

See how I won that? Except not really.


I also have a new zit. I shall call it "Brain's Revenge."

OMGQWPPIE (locked post)
  • Current Music
    Your Kisses (Are Wasted On Me) - The Pipettes

(no subject)

silentkid on why soccer will never be big in America:

David Beckham is without a doubt one of the most recognizable name in the sport. Yet the ABC crew that is working the England/Portugal game have referred to him as:

- Michael Beckham (multiple times)
- Beckett
- David Beckett

At one point the announcers also refered to his wife Victoria Adams (aka Posh Spice) as Victoria Posh.

From here.

(no subject)

an anonymouse makes a wonderful connection between slash and food, concerning a posted secret.

"Cap'n Crunch is a very effective metaphor for Mark/Roger fanfiction, too. Because they're not fruits, they're crunchberries.

Not to mention the uniquely terrible aftertaste that somehow never succeeds in preventing you from consuming more."

wicked witch
  • jaig

dove95 answers a meme (http://dove95.livejournal.com/243458.html)

1. Do you play cards?
Sometimes I like Rum or Gin... whatever the drunk wants to call it :)

4. What do you think of chivalry?
Chivalry is another word for a guys who have good manners. I think it's dead or overrated now, but if I were one of those women who had to wear a girdle and those tightass dresses that practically squeezed the breath out of you, I would've appreciated it.

Word. (QWP)
  • Current Music
    that's ann coulter in my icon