June 5th, 2006

congress

day of the crow

i give you a small token of gringo_in_tj's whole post only to entice you to read the full story.

Your father says that the government of the United States of America should dig a large moat at the border with Mexico, fill it with water, and then take all of those alligators in Florida that keep eating people and throw them into the moat."

"Tell dad to get moving on that," I told her. "I can’t wait to see what alligator tacos taste like."


QWP Caw! Caw! Caw!

~
Glass Half Full

artfuldodger, on the "one-percenter" Christians

Maybe they just snip those parts out of the Bible with scissors. Or they scribble over the word "wine" and write in "Juicy Juice." (And Jesus saith, "My first miracle shalt be juiceboxes for all! Thou shalt not squeeze them too tightly, or thou shalt have fountains squirting on thine tunics, but ye all shall be sure to throw away thine plastic wrappers from thy wee straws in the nearest place of disposal. And ye all shalt not even think about wine. For I saith it is of the ebils.")

comment here
hwaet ye foqque
  • meleth

living_is_pain is not good with women

From this entry:

"adam does not know how to talk to girls. ever.

there's the part where you're all suave and confident and having control of things, where you say all the right things and look like a genuinely sweet and sexy guy.

know that part?

adam hates that part, apparantly. because adam avoids it like the plague and instead turns into a frozen statuemonkey who says idiot things and looks like an over obvious obsessive mongoloid goat raper with gangrene on his face. he makes screech from saved by the bell look terribly subtle and james bondian in his wooing. turns ralph malph into a shakespearean lover."

Quipped and all that jazz.
bsg - said the joker to the thief
  • djcati

no idea for credit!

Someone posted "Anonymous" on the Brutal Honesty meme, and another mouse says:

I feel that you never let me in. I mean, I have no idea who you are. I try to get you to open up to me, but you're always so mysterious. I try to identify with you, but you never let me. It's like I see you everywhere, but you always have a different personality. Sometimes you act as if you don't even know me! I think I might just have to give up on you and move on. :(
pants

Oh, sod off, you Eddie Vedder wannabe...

My wondrous flatmate twaz_plank and I went to see Bon Jovi yesterday, only to discover that the support act was sodding Nickelback...

Three songs in, we'd seen enough. Myself and smoke_rising decided to fuck off to the loo and to get food, whereupon we discovered that (from inside at least, and admittedly muffled) every single other Nickelback song sounds just like 'How You Remind Me'.

We spent quite a long time inside. Huge queues and all that. When we eventually emerged, Nickelback were STILL onstage and busily mutilating some classic Pantera, which, by rights, they should not have been allowed anywhere near. In the same way that if you want the Mona Lisa restoring, you don't ask a ten year old with some felt tips to do it.

It was one of those sets where EVERYBODY was waiting for them to Hurry Up And Get On With The One Song We Actually Like So You Can Fuck Off And The Band We Actually Want To See Can Come On. (I've been to a few like that, and it's usually Placebo who fulfil that role.)


And yes, they really were that bad!
  • Current Music
    Type O Negative - Love You To Death
bitter
  • etcet

The spice is the life.

xany has been beset by terrorist seasonings:

note to self: cardamom pods are strong in the way of the ninja. they like to hide in rice pudding pretending to be golden raisins. do not be fooled by them again, for their ninja-fu is mighty, and they will wreak holy vengeance on your taste buds.

cloves, on the other hand, are easily dispatched.

"I'm a grain of rice! really! eat me!"
"No. You are black and hard. Rice is white and squishy."
"..."
"..."
"That's my spooky ninja armor. EAT ME!!!"


Kwip, Flip, do that trip.
the shep! the hair!
  • soleta

(no subject)

snacky, in this post:

"When The Boob is banned on the World of Words, thou can be sure that The Beast's dark agenda has been fulfilled, and his reign shall begin. Because The Lord loveth The Boob, and The Lord giveth the Photoshop to all so that the The Boob can be shown to the World of Words in all of its Boobish glory! Turn not away from The Boob, for by turning from The Boob, thou art denying The Lord's love, and glorifying The Beast. Thou shalt know The Beast by his sign of LJ, by his colors of blue and white, and by his adoration of a goat. Keepeth The Boob close to thy heart and praise The Boob and deny The Beast!"
Red Sag

Al-Qaeda Kangaroo Cavalry!

I usually don't write about my dreams here (they tend to be predictable, straightforward, and if you really want to read stuff like that, there's more than enough of it on the Internet without me adding to it), but I had the weirdest one last night.

I somehow gathered myself a small insurgent army of Islamic freedom fighters and Secret Service renegades, and led them on a hunt for President Bush across Kuurinniitty, where I live. We rode camels and kangaroos that we took from the president's stables in his manor here, after shooting the agents guarding them, who were dressed as Arabs. We also took their Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine guns. I remember this clearly. Then there was a BBC reporter who explained that I was a Swede who had managed to unite Shi'ites, Sunnis and Americans against a common enemy.

I do not know if this means something, and if it does, I do not know if I want to know. Perhaps I am destined for leadership of the Al-Qaeda Kangaroo Cavalry. I'm not even sure if it's possible to ride kangaroos. Probably not.

nitessine, here, qwp and so on.
Guy Fawkes watches you sleep, I want my VTV
  • eibii

(no subject)

dragonscholar has a very fond note on his experiences up North of the border, in light of recent events near Toronto.

Canadians, I have found, are tolerant people, up to the point you piss them off, and then you remember they live in a terribly cold country, have powerful beer, and like their peace and quiet enough to punch you in the face.

Quoted with permission, context [goes here.]
  • Current Music
    The Rohan Theatre Band - "Please Remain Seated"
Worky Work!

(no subject)

Taken (with permission) from kubrick97

... with tomorrow being 6/6/06 i'd figure what the hell, update in case of a hellish apocalypse caused by Satan. Of course, with my knowledge of what he'll do from watching "South Park: The Movie" several times, i'm all prepared.
alien christ

h0nk

yogurtrifle has recently moved into an apartment near a noisy road.

Outside, cars honk a lot. What I pretend is that they're mating calls.

Car: Honk!
Car 2: hay u hawttie <3 h0nk
Car: XD Hooonk! a/s/l?
Car2: 1999/Ford Tempo/6th and Victoria! u?
Car: 1998/Nissan/5th and Victoria!
Car2: <3 hooonk ilu
Car: hoooonk! <3 ilu


(from this Friends-only post, QWP)
hmm

Let the Brain Rave Begin!

I never thought someone would find a way to make me enjoy this song again.

Dictionary.com Word of the Day - cerebration: the act or product of thinking

use it in a sentence please:

Cerebrate good times - COME ON! it's a cerebration!
Cerebration! Let's all cerebrate and have a good time!


chavtasticjinx, QWP in a locked post, here. Even though this is all there is, there ain't no more.