June 4th, 2006

lennonomg

ninjastlye83 is having an interesting day at work:

Me: *Grumbling to self while reorganizing the sponge wall for the 10th time that night*
Man on cell phone: What type of dryer sheets do you use?...
Because my wife said that when you washed my laundry, my clothes smelled nice...
I told her I got them done at the hotel...
What do you mean there's no hotel anywhere near where I told her I was staying....
Well I hope THAT doesn't come back to bite me in the ass *picks up drier sheets and walks on*
_______________
Kid in shopping cart: *sorting through stuff in cart* Grandma, what's this?
Grandma: Hair gel, for Grandma's hair
Kid: My mom has this stuff next to her bed!
Grandma: Oh, I don't think she does
Kid: Uh-huh! I thought it was lotion, so I put some on once! It was all slippery and I had to wash it off!
Grandma: That... was some kind of hair gel

http://community.livejournal.com/customers_suck/16744170.html There's the whole post, you really should go read the rest of it for more of teh funny. QWP.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Butterflies

arana_suteshi has a five-year old son:

QWP from this locked post:

Jarod makes a discovery:

Jar: (in the bathtub, panicked screaming) Mommy! Mommy!
Me: (panicked running into the bathroom) What? What?
Jar: Mommy! There are two balls under my penis. What are they doing there!? (big wide eyes and conspirital whisper) I think they're grapes.
Me: ........ (walks out of bathroom) Jason! Your son needs to talk to you!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

A thought-provoking funny from the mind of absolutcreamy:

Last night as I tried to sleep, I created files inside my head for all of my thoughts, because everything is amok inside there, every bit as utterly unhinged as I myself am. I then proceeded to dig deeply through the entire sordid landscape of my brain, picking up every single scattered thought and lovingly tucking into the place it belonged.

It's just a damn shame I did all that work for nothing, because your EMOTIONS are what fuck you in the ass every single time. Sure my brain is organized into perfect little sections of what to touch and not to touch, but I'm really no better off than I was before.


QWP, because the post is f-locked, but it can be found at http://absolutcreamy.livejournal.com/143124.html
  • Current Mood
    impressed impressed
Meee

(no subject)

After I mentioned in a quiz that I might possibly have four children one day, jeebus_uc responded:

"You so would not be able to handle that. Unless you get married to the big dark attractive guy I foresee in your future, who will help by carrying many on his shoulders and turning the others upside down."

QWP, locked post.