May 29th, 2006

Chocolate

(no subject)

spinundersky has this beautiful composition about her uterus on a locked tmi_chix post:

Ode to My Uterine Lining

you, your squishness, staring up from the drain,
a little--well, smiley-face, belying my pain.
You contort me in knots, simultaneously gushy,
and you refuse to swirl down, even though you're quite mushy.
My DivaCup is priceless, but emptying's no fun,
because the shower's covered in you, by the time that I'm done!
So lining, dear lining, please disintegrate or other,
before you are found in an hour by my brother.


QWP, of course.
Rorschach

Ill wind

Then two guys with French Horns turned up. They too were drunk. They proceeded to get out their French Horns and play the opening two bars to Hey Jude, the theme from Formula One (woah!), Land of Hope and Glory, the National Anthem, and a couple of other random Beatles tracks. But only ever the first two bars before one of them hit a bum note and the two fell into a sort of musical panic and attempted something else. They weren't busking. They were just French Horn players, out for a night of fun and er ... French Horning.

Just one highlight from a night out with chiller .

Whole post (equally amusing) here.
  • Current Mood
    relaxed relaxed
hp - twins

Spam vs. Spam!

whydah responds to a spammer in adayinmylife:

Thank God I found you! I've been trying to find my target audience for my own latest spam endeavour! Understand my joy at finding a man such as yourself to partake in my marvellous product - yes - combination penis enlargement and generic viagra! You too can achieve an optimum three inches only by taking a set of five merely marginally life-threatening pills per day, and tying a 20lb weight to the end of your pecker for a minimum 48 hours per week.

After a year of 'weight training' you may qualify for silicone supplements also!!!


QWP, naturally.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
rofl

First post

shitty_advice poster sarahsaturn deliberates on whether to sell part of her brother's abandoned Thomas the Tank Engine collection on eBay... including a 'female' train that, as a child, was his "girlfreiend" (whom he was "cheating on" with a Little Mermaid doll):

"I was thinking that would be an interesting auction, "my brother's wife the train and his whore, Ariel."


SAUCE: http://community.livejournal.com/shitty_advice/820549.html
odd duck

(no subject)

From the usually bang-on and funny drakemonger, on the downside of parenthood.

Blah blah blah, woe is me. Since I'm a parent I cannot go clubbing, get smashed, and have regrettable casual sex that leads to STDs and social awkwardness for the rest of time. And I'm bitter about it.

From a locked post, cited with permission.