May 23rd, 2006

Maddux Portrait

Of Star Trek and Dogs

lizblackdog comments on teh gayness of her Border Collie:

My Border Collie Spike has a narrow chest and a looong swishy tail and elegant ballet dancer legs, but no one EVER mistakes him for a girl. He's Captain Kirk in a dog suit. He's practically willed his balls back into existence through sheer force of will.

Context? Context is for those with no balls!

OP can be found here

Cue Dubya Pee and all that.
  • Current Music
    Lawnmowers outside

Son of a whore, and cake.

justsonya, locked-post, QWP:

So my finger starts hurting, and I look down and son of a whore if there isn't a HUGE-ASS splinter in it. So I flail, I wibble, and then I mercilessly dig the fucker out with my fingernail, leaving a bloody gouge on my finger. Take that, you sliver of wood! I am triumphant, and you are in the garbage can. Bah!

Also, I had cake.

Way too hard to pick the right paragraphs to quote... this rant is *beautiful*

dhole rants about Spiderman, Batman, and stupidity in comics.
I'm not exactly expert in Goblin Studies, but as I understand it, there are three Goblins in the Spiderman universe -- the Green Goblin, the Hobgoblin, and Jack O' Latern. Who have, during the course of the comic been a bewildering variety of people. Almost all of whom were people Peter Parker knew in his everyday life.
And that's the thing about Spiderman. No matter how often his closest friend and associates put on ridiculous costumes and attempt to kill him in impractical manners, he never suspects them until it's almost too late. At no point does he go, "Oh, some sort of mutant bedside table is rampaging through the Bronx? Perhaps I'll take a hatchet to my own bedside table as soon as I get home, just as a precautionary measure." It's always, "Oh, no, bedside table! Not you! You were the only household furnishing I ever trusted!"
default blue

(no subject)

Arachnophobic melcena battles it out with an eight-legged interloper:


...
Me: *proceeds to gingerly pick up and shake out the first pair of jeans* Ok, not in this one. *puts them in the hamper, where they should have been in the first place* Next! *picks up and shakes a pair of boxers* Spider free! *to the hamper* Last pair. *shake shake shake*
HM (Hideous Monstrosity): *falls out* I'm still ALIVE! MUAHAHAHAHA! *scuttles towards me*
Me: *shrieks* *runaway runaway* *grabs poison* *turns and sprays*
(HM is now coated in poison, so much so it looks sugar frosted.)
HM: Woe! I die! *curls up*
Me: Woo! Die!
HM: Just for that, I refuse! *hops up* (Hops! I swear to god!)
Me: *shudder* *sprays*
HM: *continues to stand* Oh, you've pissed me off now. Imma kill a bitch.
Froggle: *whines*
Me: *grabs nearly forgotten dust mop* *SMASHSMASHSMASH* What now bitch?!
HM: *twitch*
Me: OMGOMGOMG!!11!!! *sprays* *watches for further movement*
HM: *is dead*


QWP etc. The full story for context and more hilarity.
PR || Cosmos

gramarye1971 is cruel to fruit.

Next time you get it into your head to make strawberry shortcake, and thereby decide that you will use the mushroom press to slice the strawberries so as to avoid cutting your hands to ribbons, be sure to double-check the ripeness of said strawberries.

It has been scientifically proved that slicing over-ripe strawberries with a mushroom press does not produce the desired results.

In fact, it will only leave you looking as if you were a particularly active participant in the Great Strawberry Massacre of 2006.

Thank you for your continued attention.

Now go make the damned shortcake.


'tis the entire post, as seen here.
1st & 2nd ship: bad apple

(no subject)

zarathustra has this to say about pregnancy commericals:

There is a commercial that some of you in the states must have seen by now that opens with "I can't concentrate, could I be pregnant?"

Because of that, it is my theory that someday kindergartners are going to be using the excuse of "I'm pregnant" for not focusing on their homework.

The day I hear that is the day I will laugh until my insides fatally twist into a fancy knot that only fishermen know how to undo.


... QWP.
  • Current Mood
    happy happy
k/s, Star Trek XI

overdone, but still amusing.

From jaidesu's Ode to the Poor College Student

An eraser to help you spell the word 'Organism' correctly when your mind is elsewhere: $0.18
Paying you hacker friend to override your work's computer system so you can get your hourly internet fix: $5.00
Ichiban Original Flavor Ramen Cup, because you're too poor to afford anything else: $0.99
Coming home with your work done just in time to post and check your 5-mile-long F-list:

...Priceless.

There are some things you cant afford money cant buy.

For everything else, there's LiveJournal.
agent may is unimpressed

On why hitting "shuffle" might actually be a BAD idea

Songs currently stuck in my head:

"Seasons of Love" from Rent

"Springtime for Hitler" from The Producers

"Hare Hare Yukai", the ending theme from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

"Musoka", the opening theme from Utawarerumono

(among the usual din that is my internal song list)

So this is what is in my mind, right now:

"Nazo nazo... mitai ni... five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes... Rhineland's a fine land... again... iro asenai rakugaki de..."


--pockyman lays down the beats.
tv: dw: 13

In fanfiction, children make everybody sappy and schmaltzy!

On fanficrants, almightyhat spoofs babyfic cliches:

Evil Overlord: *outlines plot to smite the hero and his rebellious forces to his trusted lieutenants*

Evil Overlord's Three-Year-Old Son: *escapes nurse, runs into throne room* Daddy, Daddy, I made poopy inna potty! I'm a big boy!

Evil Overlord: *scooping kidlet onto his black-robed lap* A poopy in the potty! You are a big boy, yes you are! Who's Daddy's big boy? You are!

Evil Overlord's Three-Year-Old-Son: *beams*

Evil Overlord: *to lieutenants, eyes narrowed with tones of vague threats* Isn't he a big boy? Isn't he doing a good job learning to potty like a big boy?

Evil Overlord's Trusted Lieutenants: *assorted* Oh, yes, big boy! Big boy indeed! Very clever of him, sir. Hurrah for poopy in the potty.

Evil Overlord: *ruffles the tot's hair and sends him back to his nursemaid* Positive reinforcement and praise is vital while potty training. Don't want him wetting the bed any longer than necessary. Now! Where was I? Ohh yes. *rant doom rant destruction kill crush destroy*


Context