April 22nd, 2006

lf_farewell - Hayden

The Ever-Brilliant darthmaligna's Rich Fantasy Life


You know, today I found myself daydreaming about parachuting into France in the dead of night on D-Day and blowing up bridges. Not just thinking about the fact that it happened, but actually constructing an elaborate fantasy in which I was doing it.

Then logic was like, "Dude, snap out of it. You're wishing you could have taken part in a military operation of which portions had upwards of 16% casualties before even reaching the ground."

But I shot back with, "Shut the fuck up, logic. I am not dead. I have already evaded several Nazis while carrying 150 pounts of equipment, and now I am the most excellent rear gunner on this nifty truck. You know nothing."

And logic got all huffy and was like, "Fine, but you'll be a sticky mess on the bottom of a panzer before the naval bombardment gets underway."

But I told it, "We'll see what you have to say when I'm locked in a bloody bare-knuckles fight to the death with Rommel."

And logic said, "Rommel is visiting his wife for her birthday."

And I said, "I'm going to leap out of the cake."
headdesk animated
  • jaig

(no subject)

certifieddork is back from not being back:


Well, I'm slowly reintegrating into this whole 'Internet' thing, and it's not as painful as I thought it would be.

I have nothing to contribute right now - so very far behind on flist, and reading, so I have nothing to rec, or discuss, or ask, or ... anything, really.

So this whole post will be about sex.
  • Current Mood

Remind me not to poke any cephalods in the near future..

.. not while apiphile's around, anyway!

She's er, a little bit cross that today's wildlife documentaries aren't following the example set by the great Attenborough. Context is here.

And don't even get me started on the shite that passes for documentaries on Discovery and Animal *spit* Planet and Channel Fucking Five. "WHEN SHARKS GET IRRITATED AND START BITING THE MAN WHO HAS BEEN PUNCHING THEM FOR A REACTION FOR THE LAST FIFTEEN MINUTES" lovingly punctuated with adverts for Canesten Thrush Cream every thirty seconds. Another EXTREME NATURALIST with a death-wish and no respect for the animals he's allegedly studying starts putting wetas on his head to make the girls in the audience nervous (and indeed anyone who has ever seen a weta). Pointing with his finger on the beast's side to explain where the spirocles are and then at no point telling us that this is what they're called, because god forbid anyone be forced to learn a new word while watching a documentary. Also, stop poking the creature. WE HAVE MACRO LENSES. WE CAN ZOOM IN ON THE SPIROCLES. YOU DON'T NEED TO JAB THE INSECT IN HER BREATHING APPARATUS TO SHOW WHAT A BIG MAN YOU ARE, YOU FOETID ASS-BLISTER. The worst part was the guy who went out to provoke and annoy a giant octopus, belittle and bewilder it, get absolutely no shots of the octopus doing cephalod things and then babble on about how great an experience it was. NEWSFLASH, HAIRGEL-BOY. IF THIS WERE A REAL DOCUMENTARY THE FUCKING THING WOULD NOT BE ABOUT YOUR AMAZING EXPERIENCE. IT WOULD BE "AND NOW, MORE OCTOPUS". YOU SUCK. I spent the entire segment praying for Mollusc McSquiddycousin to chew off the cunt's head with that sharp, horny beak that they keep tucked away under the tentacles, or at least give him an eight-armed throttling, but the octopus was a good deal more restrained than I would have been.
  • Current Music
    The Chameleons - All Around You