April 19th, 2006

  • jdotmi

Meet Me In Hell

raphbearish has an amusing encounter with a Jesus-pamphlet pusher.

I get off the bus and wait at the crosswalk (4-way intersection). Most of the people who got off the bus with me are already headed in the other direction. I have to wait for the light. This woman, probably in her late-30's steps up to me. She's holding one of those "Watchtower" pamphlets or something. It has the word Hellfires written across it.

Her: Do you believe in the power of Jesus Christ?
Me: Not really. I'm not much of a believer and it's been 14 years since I've been to any mass.
Her: It's not too late for you to...
Me: (I stop her midsentence) Oh, it's definitely too late. I'm gay and I've had a TON of pre-marital sex.
Her: ...

The light hasn't yet changed, and there's no one else for her to talk to. She takes a step back and waits uncomfortably until some 15 seconds later, I'm given the green light to cross.

Me: Have a nice day!

She said nothing, but I think she was thinking "Go to Hell"...
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
guinevere - disgruntled housewife

(no subject)

spacebird is my new god:

I'd also add that there are two things I will never, ever buy in regards to technology. A Dell laptop, and a Lexmark printer. Why?

They are as yet the only two things that I have seen, right out of the shiny new box, spontaneously burst into flame.

A Google search for "Lexmark sucks" pulls 85,700 hits. "Dell sucks" pulls 3,010,000. For comparisson, "Bush sucks" pulls an astonishing 13,300,000. Some of which are not porn.

Fun with statements

millym posts: If I'm understanding these Tag bodyspray ads correctly, if a woman sprays herself with tag, she'd be compelled to molest herself.

vlad_badger chimes in first: I would pay good money to see this happen.

uncut_diamond: I'm gonna buy a bottle and test this on my hot neighbour.

death_ismygift: Hell with the hot neighbor, I'm going to buy a bottle and test it on myself.

vdkapenguin: Don't know about Tag...But I've used my boyfriend's Axe shower gel and have yet to favor myself with a lapdance.

gothictiger: It wouldn't work. It has to be mixed with the already present man-scent/testosterone to be super boosted to the "must jump now" levels.
  • Current Music
    Sam Roberts - Taj Mahal


[Post two from me today, but I swear my flist is on a roll or something]

reene discusses allergies in her post That Is Not A Meme:

Top 3 things that don't work to alleviate allergies:


Context: http://reene.livejournal.com/172810.html
  • Current Music
    Dane Cook-My Son, Optimus Prime

I'd watch it

purplejammies has a stroke of lj inspired genius.

"I want to make a movie about this crazy terrorist (Sayid from Lost) who kidnaps this girl (possibly played by me, or Scarlett Johansson) because he needs to access her livejournal friends list which contains information about someone he's gonna KILL. But she thwarts his plans by way of custom friends groups (twist #1) and warning her friend by making a filtered post (twist #2).

It will be called FRIENDS ONLY. Awesome, no?
lesbian sex--I mean tea

(no subject)

grypx is pregnant with hyperemesis.

So Easter sucked major ass because I was in the damn ER all night doing my exorcist impression. Best part? My blood pressure totally bottomed out in triage and I went face-first into the crotch of the poor little scene boy trying to take my vitals. I am the first woman in history who can honestly say she tripped, fell, and landed on a penis.

Stetsons are cool

(no subject)

thenorthernline brings all the wit to the yard...

What's happened is that VH1 have selected 100 lyrics, leaving the massed ranks of the electorate to vote on them as they see fit. At the culmination of this laborious process, the original 100 have been whittled down to a definitive top 20. And true to form, all the old favourites are there.

The least surprising inclusion is probably John Lennon's 'Imagine'. It's the quintessential, intellectually lazy vox pop choice - a horrible playschool poem masquerading as enlightened philosophy, rather like a line of Eastenders dialogue. The fact that it was written by a fully-grown adult highlights what patronising, self-righteous crap it really is.

Some might argue that it showcases his more tender side, as opposed to the scathing wit that characterised many of his Beatles songs. It doesn't. It's more sanctimonious than one of Cromwell's speeches. Listen to it too much, and you'll soon find yourself offending dinner party guests with statements like "I always thought that Mark Chapman was a very pleasant boy".

Context, darlings, and it's a wonderful post.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused