Metaquotes

trpchakai has a bit of friendly advice for people callling 800 numbers.


When you call any sort of 1-800 number to speak with somebody involved in customer service or online booking all they want to do is accomplish your goal in a friendly, easy, rapid manner.

They do not want to hear about your house, your town, the police chases in your town, your friends, your phone, your other phone, your computer, your internet service, your moving plans, your friend's moving plans, the reasoning behind your moving plans, your family, your family's names, your inability to remember names, your inability to remember faces, your talent for remembering numbers, your brother's birthday, events that have taken place on your brother's birthday, your friend's flight plans, your opinion of hotels, what your neighbor said the other day, or how loud she listens to the radio. Every time the agent you're talking to says, "Is that all I can do for you tonight?" they're asking you to hang up. Not inviting you to continue on your life story.

Friends-locked, QWP.

[end transmission]

In bad_sex, jencendiary related a story of, well, bad sex. But that's not the quote-worthy bit. What's quote-worthy is what happened after she left this loser's place:

As I am doing the walk of shame from this aborted interlude, I realize that nothing looks familiar. Then a very homeless crackhead looking fellow addresses me, and asks me for a dollar. I give him one. Then I ask where I am, and realize that I have gone in the exact opposite direction. I am not anywhere near the campus, and have stumbled into a Really Bad Ghetto of Memphis. (Orange Mound, for those of you in the know.)

And then, the benchmark for knowing-you're-in-trouble happened. The crackhead looked concerned, gave me a screwdriver for protection, and pointed me in the right direction with the words, "You be careful now, hear? I don't want to be seeing your face on the news tomorrow."

(And we all know you're in trouble when the crackheads are worried about you.)

That last bit pushed it over the edge into metaquotes material. QWP.

Oh, and I like wrinewind's summary of the incident: "Funny, you got a good screwdriver, but a bad screw."

The lovely third_requiem writes in her livejournal about how her Playstation addiction has destroyed a long term relationship. Funny! LJ-cut, and permission granted from the user!

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From humbleminion, here

"Happy non-denominational rabbit- and chocolate-egg-related holiday, everyone! Actually, I gave people chocolate bilbies and wombats this year. Patriotism, you know. Any Australian who thinks that rabbits are in any way cute, lovable, or amusing should be staked out in the desert and fed the the furry little bastards."

Death by bunnies would be most undignified.

OMG I LOVE SANDWICHES!!!!!!! MORE THAN HUMANS!!!

A triple decker context, lettuce and tomato sandwich with cheese can be found here.

Edit: It is, in fact, QWP. I failed to notice it was locked.