April 15th, 2006


Horticulture in Northern England

In this post n00mel
sets out to liven up the nations fruit options!

Rowan and I invented new fruits last night. There's Wizberry, which is like a raspberry but much more aerodynamic, with go-faster stripes; Furious Lemon, which is identical in look, taste, and smell to an ordinary lemon, but is deadly; Applplplplple, which is a recursive apple designed for use in high-volume food situations, like conferences; the Plap, which is the seed you eat that produces Applplplplples in your stool (very long toilets are given to those who volunteer to produce the fruit); and the Model T Pineapple, which has no flavour unless you crank the handle (but don't crank it too much!).

“God above, none of us have WRISTS!”

Be thankful you aren’t one of the Rob Liefeld characters who just appeared in sages_of_chaos:
A mass of bodies spill out into the nexus, all of them impossibly proportioned, tearful and howling in pain.

"Oh...oh god," Says one of them. "Oh god, I can't even support my massive weight with these tiny ankles and feet! Oh, jesus christ, I have muscle structure I'm certain doesn't EXIST! And my waist is fused with my back! And WRISTS! God above, none of us have WRISTS!"

"Help? Somebody, please, help?!"

Be sure to scroll down for the illustrative animated gif in the comments.

(no subject)

buongiornodaisy is happy that it's spring

goodness is it stereotypically spring outside! I went to water the lawn and flowers and what did I see but two yellow butterflies fluttering about? I half expected to see a rabbit hopping around. It was enough to make me barf. 

F-locked post, QWP.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Anxious, Klaus Baudelaire

It's like a dam, it is. Damn lesbians.

On fanficrants, sandersyager recounts badly researched lesbian smex in CSI femslash:

OP from the fic:
Warrick: Last night, I went to a lesbian website, and I research lesbian sex.
Nick: That's how they do it?
Warrick: Yep. After 1 minute, cum will burst out.

brings a whole new twist to the story of the little dutch boy who stuck his finger in the dike.

and now i'm embarrassed by my own pun. i'll be hiding now.

context for the lulz
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
random happiness, giddiness, jay and silent bob

(no subject)

The ever funny crevette has issues with a certain commercial:

Almost as funny as those Always Maxi-Pad commercials that talk around the entire fact that you're hemmoraging to fucking death. That's okay because the pads are pleasantly scented and have channels.

And then it says, "Have a happy period!" while showing what looks to be a pinball bouncing around the pad, following the gore channels in perky little circles.

Obviously a man wrote this ad campaign. If I ever meet the man who came up with the slogan "Have a happy period" I will kick him in the balls repeatedly, over and over until his testicles retreat up into his abdominal cavity. Then I will continue to kick him until they transform into ovaries so that he too can have "happy periods". Then I will tell him how lucky he is to have such a great product that doesn't make his crotch smell like a charnal house and yet has channels to direct the gore to the middle of the pad. Much like the floor in a slaughterhouse. But I digress.

Bottom line. I will hurt him. I will hurt him BAD. I will make him cry like Orlando Bloom in a bad Viggo/Orli fanfic.

"Have a happy period", my ass.

QWP, context? we don't need no steenkin' context!