Metaquotes

In a post about how the pollen is kicking her butt, dreamertheresa ponders the trees' viewpoint:

Guess the trees are pissed off that their buddies keep getting chopped down.

"DAMN YOU HUMANS!!! We will jerk off in the air at you!! Buahahahahaha!!!"

QWP here.

alpheratz isn't particularly enamored of Shakespeare's sonnets 1 through 17, and summarizes:

You're really pretty.
Here, have 8 lines of flattering similes.
BTW, have you thought about having a kid yet?
Because eventually you're gonna die, and then you'll be sorry.
But you're still really pretty. Have some more similes.
*nagnagnaggoknocksomeoneupnagnag*

bonedancer has gone back and watched Labyrinth again. And has come to a bit of a realisation (QWP)...:

"I watched Labyrinth again a while back, but this time, instead of just thinking it was just a cool movie with a lot of puppets, I saw the whole thing as a metaphor for adolescence. The labyrinth itself is fairly self-explantory, and the various adversaries represent potential pitfalls, obviously; the junk-ladies are both a refusal to advance and an obsession with worthless possessions, the fireys are hedonism, and David Bowie represents sex - naturally, or he'd have refused to do the picture.

The companions, by contrast, represent facets of the teenage personality. Hoggle is that part of you that semi-unwillingly sets out to sabotage whatever it is you decide you're going to do, because it's afraid. Sir Didimus is foolish pride, obliviousness ("I smell nothing!") and stubbornness. Ludo is the inability to communicate properly, but he also stands for resourcefulness and talent.

The Bog of Eternal Stench is a teenage bedroom.

The goblin in the steam-powered battle-armour with all the machine-guns and stuff represents things that are cool.

And the rocks represent the crushing realisation that everyone else probably grasped all this stuff ten years ago, and you're not half as clever as you think you are."

Our ever-lovable Seanan takes it upon herself to sample and then review the new coffee-based Coke Blak (that's not a typo).

---

After a serious amount of contemplation, soul-searching, and swallowing a teaspoon of salt to get the taste out of my mouth, sweet Jesus, make it go away, I have come up with the following review of Coke Blak. I like Coke, I like sweetened coffee beverages, and I like freaky things that come in bottles, so I believe this review to be a fairly accurate and unbiased account of the worst two dollars I have ever spent in my entire life. Namely:

OH GOD OH GOD WHAT IS THAT TASTE, WHAT IS THAT FLAVOUR ON MY TONGUE SWEET JESUS, IT'S EATING INTO MY BRAIN, I CAN FEEL IT ETCHING ITS WAY THROUGH MY SKULL, OH GOD OH GOD I AM GOING TO BECOME A REANIMATED CORPSE FOR THE COCA-COLA FOUNDATION IT REALLY DOES BRING YOUR DEAD ANCESTORS BACK TO LIFE AND THEY DO NOT APPROVE MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!

There was also flailing, gagging, and vigorous licking of the back of my hand, in the hopes that the hurting would stop. I then forced an unwitting co-worker to finish the bottle. He may never trust me again. But that's okay, because he drank more than I did, so I kinda expect him to die.

Anybody wanna buy some second-hand soda? I promise it hasn't been opened. And won't be opened within a hundred yards of me.

Coke Blak: finally, a soft drink you can share with people you really don't like.

---

I dunno about you, but I'm convinced.

In a comment to a journal entry, dankaye explains why he's a self-admitted 'complete hardass to work for':

Most of my "management styles" are illegal in this country (seems you can't have repercussions like a claw hammer to the stones if a reasonable schedule isn't maintained without proper explanation as an example). My idea of "motivation" is "do it or I'll impregnate your sister, sodomize your mother, and get your cat addicted to really expensive cat food".

Kyew dubble yew pea, of course.

aidanshart criticizes an actress's hairdo.

WTF is up with the Valley of the Dolls bad 70's airline stewardess hairdo?

QWP

While Talking about her work homicidal_mur says this:

Instead of asking the customer is they wanted condiments.. I accidently said condoms... she wouldn't stop laughing then told me it was good of me to promote safe sex.

QWP, of course. I know the rules. :D

On the crazy weather in Philly, hughcasey writes here....

So, we had a partly cloudy day, followed by a blizzard for 15 minutes. Then sun for about an hour. Then a twenty minute blizzard. Now, back to partly cloudy, warming up, and all of the snow has melted. All by 12:30.

Later on today, the forecast includes a hail of frogs, plagues of locusts, and rivers running red with blood. Pillars of salt, fire, and brimstone may be expected during the evening rush hour.

*hides under desk*

In the comments of customers_suck, stmarc lets loose.

"Look, you. We know you have transporter beams that can put our food not only in our house, but ON OUR DINING ROOM TABLES. And not only that, they *also* have temporal displacement compensators so that you can have them on the table as soon as we hang up the phone. In fact, you could have them on the table BEFORE WE EVEN CALL YOU.

Therefore, if you won't deliver where and when we want, the ONLY POSSIBLE EXPLANATION is that you're secretly against us and offer BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE. So it's only reasonable that we become total shrieking maniacs, since it's OBVIOUS, by fact and logic, that you are just being a JERK when you won't give us whatever we want, whenever we want it. For FREE. So stop complaining."


Context here

cmpriest is having some difficulties adjusting to her new neighborhood:

Somewhere in my neighborhood there is either (a). a colicky newborn who someone likes to poke with a stick all day long or (b). a cat in heat who is not getting poked with anything all day long. You'd be amazed how hard it is to tell the two apart when you're very tired, and you're trying to concentrate on something else.

I think that the record will reflect that I love babies and I adore cats, but this has been going on pretty much since I got here a couple of weeks ago, and I'm just about to go on a baby-punching/cat-kicking expedition. Seriously. That noise needs to stop right about yesterday, or I'm going to go all stabby like whoa.

QWP, Context cries in the dark

... and so of course she wants chocolate:

In other news while walking home I experienced the three phases of water. That is to say that when I started walking home I was slushed on, which then turned to semi-sleet/small hail, which then became large, poofy, snowflakes. This is Mother Nature's April Fool's joke on all of us. "You thought it was Spring? Yeah I don't think so. Now go get me more chocolate... grow it myself? Do you have any idea how hard it was to evolve you out of humus you little ingrate? NOW GET ME MORE CHOCOLATE!"

QWP, quintessenceanx, here

 



Step 1 - jesscyn eats some bad chicken and throws up in her sink.

Step 2 - jesscyn posts to a Livejournal community asking how to unclog her chicken-puke sink.

Step 3 - effin wins the internet.


"Ok, now, I have to admit, I've thrown up in my sink before. However, in my defense, I was 17 and the incident involved a long night of drinking which ended with me passed out in my bathtub - it seemed, at the time like a perfectly reasonable place to hang out, read a magazine, and take a nap. It was slightly less reasonable when I woke up with that magical uh-oh feeling and was still far too intoxicated to a) wait the extra 4.2 seconds it would have taken me to aim for the toilet or b) find the toilet in the first place, honestly.

That said: at 17 and drunk like a CHAMP, I was still able to pull my 4 tequila-logged braincells together enough to clear the clog. Now granted, my solution involved a whole lot of drunken crying, a ladle and, ultimately, a clandestine NIGHTMARE of a walk down to the local stop-and-rob for some draino, but still.

The OP is from Montreal. They have restaurants where naked waitresses will serve you breakfast 24 hours a day. Are we really expected to believe that such a city DOESN'T have affordable access to plungers and/or liquid plumber at any hour of the day or night?"

_{Linkety, Link, Link!}

vellum does a humorous recap of last week's CSI

( Collapse )

so...
when popping my head down into the crawlspace under the house to take a look at the plumbing what I wasn't expecting was a small lake - complete with scum, slime and a few masked rats in gondolas waffling on about some bird called Christine...


skoas here

pretzelcoatl comments on recent meteorological developments:

How much a week changes things here.

Weather: SUNNY.
Students: OMG YAY! PICNIC TIME! *flood convenience store for ketchup, plastic cups, buns, etc.*
Faculty: Boo, distracted students. .oO(OMG YAY! PICNIC TIME!)
Weather: AND NOW I RAIN! :D :D
Everyone else: :(
Weather: COLD! XD
Everyone else: :( :(

A select quote from a thread on angel=/=angle as regards Sephiroth, which in itself is a whole bundle of metaness.

clarify: He is a bit square, though.

dots: S^2 ephiroth?

jira_rd: Nah, cubed. S^3phiroth. :P

Context: http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/2212890.html

Every once in a while, scans_daily plays a game of find the slashy subtext! Tragically, scarab_dynasty finds that her slashy-sense isn't tingling.


"If that's not a Lifetime movie, it should be.

"Doctor, what's wrong with me?"

"It's your... it's your sense of slash, ma'am. It's gone."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Not Without My Sense of Slash: The Scarab_Dynasty Story."

-- teh_no


Truely, the most tragic of afflictions.

The comments on a post about Nicole Richie's thinness on ohnotheydidnt:

ilovethepolice: I've said it once and I'll say it again:
WHERE THE FUCK IS HER FATHER?

bagelofdeath: In a perfect world, I would have a Lionel Richie icon and I would comment with:
Hello? Is it me you're looking for?


QWP, in this thread.

layered rants about an airhead absolutely determined to pass on her genes (among other things...):

what's so goddamn special about YOUR genes anyway, cupcake? Are they magical and glittery? Do your genes have superpowers? Can they cure cancer? Do your genes know what's going to happen in the seventh Harry Potter book? No, I didn't think so.

Context? You keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means...

meredith_eats in her most excellent journal shared this picture and thought on her time teaching English in Japan:



"It's not fair to call other cultures wacky or eccentric just because they're different from yours, but I still want to know who dresses religious statuary in a Burberry cape. I wonder if I could ever get away with hanging cell phone accessories on Jesus at an American church. Maybe I could claim to be facilitating cultural exchange."

QWP from here. I hope posting small quote-enhacing pictures is within group guidelines.