What a perfect opportunity for L.A.S.H. - the League of Alcoholic Superheros! We've got Captain Martini, Bar Fly, and Cosmo Queen and their rival gang of Mocktails with Shirley Temple and Tee-Toltaler.
And then there are the superheros of the old ILF - I Love You Man and Party Girl.
How much fun is that?
That's the entirety of the post, but here nonetheless.
Even though he's only two months old, Jack has started to talk.
He has already learned the word for clarified butter1, called for the overthrow of the government2, expressed an interest in traveling to the southernmost island in the Marianas3, and chosen his favorite Dragonball Z character4.
"Samuel Jackson. He herded them onto a plane, and now they made a movie out of it." - germankitty, speaking for many.
"The Pied Bagpiper, who was then himself driven out. Because, well, bagpipes, y'all." - elbiesee
5. Phytophthora infestans helped to indirectly kill over half a million people in the 1840's. How?
"What's taters, precious?" - thecuckoo (PO-TAY-TOES. -chaosvizier)
"The Irish Potato Famine, which led many Irish to the highways of California, looking for 'CHiPs.'" - drbear
Several more LOLs can be found here, it was hard to pick which gems to share here. *o* QWP I guess, since it's public? The water on that one was muddy so I hereby claim it is international and therefore completely legal! Anyway I tried to get permission first. XD If I screwed up I'm sorry. ;o;
"Of course, no backyard was complete without a slide. Not these stupid three inch thick plastic things that barely get four feet off the ground, either. These things were twelve feet tall, metal, and had sides made of razor blades. Also, it was against the rules to put one of those motherfuckers under a tree, so in the summer they were roughly five billion degrees and would blind you if direct eye contact was made. Then, once you got to the top and stared down that the Caradhras-like height, you had to decide whether or not you wanted to flash fry your pussy by actually sitting down (with your legs tucked up to your chin to avoid any skin touching said metal at any time) and slicing open your palms when you inevitably tried to stop yourself from sliding down because you would always, always loose your balance."
The post also talks about those swings with the rusted chains that cut into your hands and, most importantly, TRAMPOLINES!
If one more person hands me their money folded up into a fucking origami rubix cube, I am going to fucking scream. On that note, please have your money straightened out when you hand it to me. I don't care if it's kind of crumpled, because I just shove it in the drawer anyway, but when it's in a wad, don't yell at me when I have to actually get it to a point to fit in my drawer before I give you your change. Also, don't hand me your money with the change folded up inside. How am I supposed to know there's change in there? Believe me, it's a hell of a hassal trying to get the time to run outside when I drop $3 worth of loose change on the ground outside. It's not cute to have your kid hand me the money. It's aggrivating. Oh, and if you hand me your sweaty boob money, I will make a show of scrubbing and sanitizing my hands like crazy right in front of you. Don't look so shocked and offended when I do. And, biggest of all, DON'T THROW YOUR MONEY AT ME, BITCH.
QWP. The whole entire post is hilarious, and the snarkage abounds.
God, this series is soooooooo like the romance novels that comprised most of my sex-ed until I was fourteen.
Hero captures love object, beats up love object, insults love object, and ignores love object long enough for object to think: "He's so tortured, alone and tortured, wounded, why don't I go in the kitchen and make him some pot pie."
I wish household
cleaners were better labelled.
Things your spouse would rather
not hear, no. 163:
"Wake up honey, I mustard-gassed the house."
Bitching will not get you everywhere you want. If it did, I could power a starship with customer's bitchery, resulting in the most goddamn annoying form of transportation ever created.
Context? We don't need no stinkin' context!
Bitch mobile! Awaaaaaay!
[Jon bites off top of egg]Bwahahahaa!
[fluffy white alien facehugger leaps out of bottom of egg, attaches self to Jon's face]
[muffled freak-out noises emerge from behind facehugger]
[Jon collapses to floor]
[shortly, facehugger dies, falls off]
[in a gout of bloody gore, the Easter Bunny emerges from Jon's chest, hisses at camera]
[screen goes black]
"Like the native americans, Mandie uses every part of the beer."
cerulgalactus: "Not just him either, that whole 'sensitive surf hippy' movement - Johnson, Harper, Frankenritter, Murray - all of them."I chortled.
daftwullie: "Yes! Ugh, yes. I want to stab them with a knife with the words 'Get a job' engraved on the blade."
(Edited slightly for typos, because I am obsessive.)
Am not actually dead.
Am, however, astonishingly sick. I am like Aruba for germs. They're having pool parties. Cute little rhinoviruses in bikinis are having unsafe sex on the sandy beaches of my immune system. This doesn't please me."
Enter young couple with younger son. Younger son is about a year old. Cute, friendly, and energetic. Like Shakira's hips after she's had a six-pack of Red Bull.
Really. Read the whole thing. It’s worth the click.
(locked & qwp!)
And passing that wall dedicated to glittery shamrocks at work was not helping my mood. Each team has to put up a calender each month and this month's theme was evidently "I LOVE IRISH AND I HAVE GLITTER." I didn't get that memo, so fuck that. I chose the theme of "Godzilla." I wanted him to be stepping on some people, but since I'm management now, I strive to keep my work-related activities free of all death themes. And stripper themes. And bong themes. More of a challenge than you might think--we do have to create a new calender every single month. I think April will be Top Gun or the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. I had the Top Gun vision on a night when I hadn't slept hardly at all and it was AWESOME. Everybody else will be like "April Showers" and I'll be like giant photos of Tom Cruise and "HIGHWAY TO THE DANGER ZONE--IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP TO WORK I WILL STRAIGHT-UP FIND YOUR ASS AND ADMINISTER THE BEATDOWN CRAZY CRUISE-STYLE."