March 15th, 2006

the original prince of snarkness

Thinking in Blog...

From my friend Renee, who shall no longer remain eljaynonymous. thanks!

So I was going to share with all of you why I'm eating Raisin Bran this morning, but instead I'll try to maintain my dignity for a little while longer. Instead I'll share with you my sentiments on Blogging. First of all, the word itself. It reminds me of the sound the plunger makes when you finally unclog the toilet. BLOG gurgle gurgle.... But the more I think about it, maybe it's onomatopoeia. Like that's the actual sound your brain makes when you unclog all the crap that's been mulling around in there (BLOG) and release it down the drain of Myspace into the sewer that is the internet (google google...). Or have I taken it too far?

Either way I'm hating how my brain has been thinking in Blog lately. Last night I couldn't fall asleep cos I was recalling the events of the day, only in choppy, runon freeform with a touch of wit and irony. I detest myself.

QWP blah blah blah

does Jesus do babysitting?

missysedai, on less than useful parenting advice:

You know, telling a new mother to "Put all your trust in Jesus!" is just not helpful parenting advice.

Last I checked, Jesus doesn't do midnight feedings, diaper changes, laundry or late night ER visits, nor does he come over to babysit for an hour so you can get a shower and a little sleep or bring you dinner because you've been too exhausted to cook decently.

Jesus? Not helpful.

Locked post, QWP.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
keep calm and run

(no subject)

Here on upcoming_pixar:

I have been forbidden from reviewing CARS, but I am allowed to tell you that I have seen it and yes, I did like it. I really liked it a lot. If I say any more, Walt Disney himself will bust open my hotel room door and his disembodied head, floating in a jar filled with a mixture embryonic fluid and Mountain Dew, will tell his robotic limbs to tear me apart. I can't have that. I hope you understand.

Just the image of that... xD
  • Current Music
    Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

League of Extracraptacular Craptlemen

caprinus, posting here about the upcoming V for Vendetta film, says:
The more I read about it, the more it seems like it could be as bleached and defanged as the banal, white-washed Legend of Earthsea miniseries was, and Alan Moore's complaints sound a lot like Ursula K. LeGuin's. I have hope, because the Wachowski siblings have their hearts in the right place I think, but it's pretty faint hope, given Hollywood's track record on handling Moore's creations. (Hello, the League of Extracraptacular Craptlemen?)
I just love the phrase "League of Extracraptacular Craptlemen". It is, if anything, too kind for that movie.


Internet Demigod that he is, arashikami has some new terminology he’d like to introduce to everyone…

The following definitions are from

sacred cow: A person or thing immune to criticism or questioning.

cow tipping: A somewhat mean-spirited activity whereby one knocks over a sleeping cow (which sleeps standing up) by pushing on its side.

For this year (and presumably the rest of my life), I have decided to combine the terms, thus creating a clear definition for a practice (that some people are already participating in) I highly recommend to everyone:
sacred cow tipping

The practice of criticizing or questioning (i.e. tipping over, figuratively) a person(s) or thing(s) widely believed to be immune to such criticism or questioning. This practice works best when 1) a level of respect for the ‘sacred cow’ in question is still exhibited, especially during the actual ‘tipping’; and 2) the tipper is prepared to also become the tippee, since that is inevitable. This can also be referred to as ‘Developing a Sense of Humor.’

QWP, of course. The post is locked, but here’s the link anywho.
Bear Nuts

(no subject)

In prof_quotes, firecausesburns describes their teacher as such:

She has dyed red hair way down past her waist, and doesn't consider an outfit complete unless there is something pink and something sparkly. She wears bright pink metallic knee-high boots or sparkly pink heels. She is incapable of keeping a conversation on one topic for more than five minutes. Her thesis was the only one in the university bound with pink leather binding.

assuming it's okay since I'm not quoting a quote, just a context.

doombot_jen knows a place we could go.

In this post in mock_the_stupid, regarding a newspaper clipping about people in Gillette (I'm assuming WY by the clipping) who think "gay cowboys" couldn't exist, especially since "there weren't any gay people back [in 1963]":

There aren't any gay cowboys. That's as silly as gay bikers, gay construction workers, gay sailors, gay soldiers or even gay indians!

--Commented here. (Corrected spelling at submission time.)

Some of my friends don't handle minor injuries well...

petshopboy1983 popped out this gem last night:

So tonight I stepped on a nail.
It was a large, whore of a nail.
It went through my shoe.
Right through the 'O' in 'Converse'.
It made a funny squeaking sound, that large, whore of a nail.
It went through the sole of my foot.
Right through the soft, pink flesh of my little foot.
It made a yucky tearing noise, that large, whore of a nail.
It lodged itself in the bone of my far right metatarsal.
It made a sickening screeching noise as it did so while pressure resisted it.
Right into my calcium-laced skeleton.

It did not hurt at first.
There was just the series of sounds.
Half a second later the idea that, perhaps, I had tread on a thumbtack entered my mind.
Then I remembered that I was, in fact, on a construction site.
I knew then.
And fell, accordingly, to the floor.

I looked back and saw the large, tiajuanan, whore of a faggot nail sticking skyward from my foot like a geriatric erection after an overdose of viagra and golden girls.
I knew what I had to do.
I reached down and grabbed the head of the nail.
I felt that.
I pulled hard on it.
I felt that.
My foot felt like a thirteen year-old choir girl whose vagina had just coughed up her step-father's fully-grown down's syndrome elephant child.
Yet the nail remained.
Like Stonewall Jackson in line for Episode I tickets.
I tugged it again.
This time it finally wrenched loose, making the same squeaking noise as it exited my shoe.

Oddly enough there was almost no blood, though the pain is increasing with each minute that passes. Tomorrow my foot is going to be blacker than Eminem.


context is here, although I've quoted it in entirety:
  • Current Music
    Pixies "Alec Eiffel"

I'm not sure I'd want supplies there anyway

Oh, how I love the way insidian puts things…

Okay, so I got sent out on this conference last minute. I am told "Your supplies will be there!" and I say, "Really? you're 100% certain?" and they say "Loads of supplies! Supplies out the wazoo!"

I am here. I was early. There are no supplies. Three hours later. My wazoo is completely supply-free.

From this post.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

(no subject)

In a comment to this this post to the bad_sex community, spirit_fox75 pays tribute to the OP the Anheuser-Busch way...

Budweiser presents "Real American Heroes!"
[Real American Heeeeeeerooooes]

Today we salute you, Mr. High-And-Mighty Internet Rant Poster!
[Mr. High-And-Mighty Internet Rant Poster]

You selflessly take the responsibility of letting us know when our posts are stupid. We dont care, but youre still going for it.
[That Forum's MINE!]

Ignoring the fact that the internet is not real life, you boldly stand up for what is right, and just, and gramatically correct and cry your angry comments into the uncaring void known as the world wide web
[He really needs to get laid]

Like a sunrise during a cloudy rainstorm, you shed light on the follibies of the rest of us... lower people.
[Dont look directly at him!]

So crack open a cold bud light oh Protector of the Public Forums, because long after we've gone to bed youll still be up grading our posts like a 50 year old english teacher on coke.
[Mr. High-And-Mightly Internet Rant Poster!!!]
Teen Wolf - Trauma!Stiles

Finnish Licorice - I'd bet my life on it!

dreadpiratekurt has some interesting things to say about his adventures in culinary masochism (QWP!)

Last week, I--a mere American--sampled the entire selection of a Finnish licorice pick-a-mix bag of candy. The little deceptively M&M-like round ones, with their jolly innocence-emitting pink candy shell of LIES, were like being powerblasted with radioactive salty Pine-Sol right up the sinuses...but it had an oddly pleasant refreshing aftertaste. Once I stopped sobbing.

Good times.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
sarcastic manny

(no subject)

Ah, British politics. You have to love the terminology.

And David Cameron was saying to Tony Blair something basically along the lines of "you whip your boys and I'll whip mine!"

So it's not just the Lib Dems, then.

From elyim, flocked post, QWP.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused