March 10th, 2006

broken

(no subject)

cheshire_bitten is complaining about her day working at a (walk up) helpdesk at her university...

Right now I feel really really sick. I don’t want to deal with any more people at work, I want to go home.
So I am trying to look as unapproachable as possible.

*Yes that is a stupid question, so stupid in fact that I will mock you if you even try to ask it.


*I am a tech person and as such I will not speak English, I will be arrogant and rude, I will ignore anything you say and tell you that I have to format you head.


*As a girl tech person, I am only here because I am sleeping with someone who knows what they are doing and so I wont be able to help you anyway.




QWP, despite being an open post.
laugh

they do have us outnumbered

animated_max posted here:
According to my sources, there are 450-500 million chickens in the United States. Since there are about 300 million people in the U.S., there are more than one and a half chickens per person – which might worry some, but which doesn't particularly worry me.

I figure the average person should easily be able to defeat a couple of average chickens in a fight. I could be wrong. Unless I'm seriously underestimating the combat prowess of chickens, though, I think we're pretty safe on that front.
lime

My anti-drug: girl scout cookies

Locked entry....QWP


waringfaction takes on the importance of supporting Girl Scout cookie buying:



"hey duhneese, i was thinking last night as i opened a box of the peanut butter kind of girl scout cookie and began inhaling, if we didn't support these girls by funding their cookie sales, they'd have to make ends meet by turning all their easy bake ovens into meth labs. So in sense having an uncontrollable urge for girl scout cookies, is the only decent way to be."
dark goat

I'm a bit sick of Chuck but I love Cosmogeneses...

squidflakes celebrates the birthday of Chuck Norris:

And on this date...
Its not so much that its Chuck Norris' birthday, as today is the day we celebrate the time, 66 years ago when a naturally occurring Klemperner Rosette of 127 massive main sequence stars collided with the super-massive black hole Sagittarius A* causing the rosette to collapse upon itself and form a 2m wide ball of matter that broke Pauli's exclusion principle, not once, not twice, but thrice, and converted the resulting angular momentum into a burst of radiation so intense it tore the universe a new one.

This ball suddenly existed at all points, in all times, ever, but choose Earth c.1940 as its real space destination. The ball hit with such force that the planet was reduced to naught but smoldering ash and rapidly deteriorating exotic vacuum states suspended within the tri-polar magnetic flux of the ball. All was quiet for 1.033453X10-35 seconds, until the ball cracked.

The crack widened, splitting the ball in twain, its halves falling away to reveal a perfectly formed human baby. This baby squinted, stroked its beard, and landed a roundhouse to the very fabric of space and time, reforming the earth at the exact moment the superdense ultrababy-containing ball struck, and altering the flow of time so that the Allies would win the war. The young Chuck Norris then caused himself to exist in the womb of a Ryan, OK woman who gave birth that very same day.

In honor of Chuck Norris Day, I plan on landing as many roundhouse kicks to as many people as possible but only if they are in the middle of committing crimes, or refuse to kneel to Chuck Norris. Even Zod kneels before Chuck Norris.
present for you, you got mail, delivery ant

(no subject)

pandorasrocks describes his battle with an ant plague that haunted his apartment. QWP:


By the end of the night the swarm of 3 to 4 hundred ants was at a staggering 3. Or 4. I feel... bad. As much as their persistence irritated me, I was actually enjoying our conflict- fighting on two fronts: the countertop and the cupboard; taking and reclaiming foodstuff resources: honey, cereal, tea... I'm sure they'd have made a push for the syrup if we'd have let it go on...
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Droolio

Hi, my name is Orbis and I am a Crisco Troll.

In the wake of a relationship ending, caprine ponders a weighty cultural issue...

I stayed up far too late reading personal ads. This was not a happy occupation. I have been reminded that, here in Southern California, I am a super micro nano niche market item. The majority of men posting ads seem desperate to evade fat women. They use all manner of pseudo-polite code phrases that translate as For the love of God and all that is holy, don't let the fatties get near me, as once glance at their hideous Lovecraftian soul-destroying blubber will force me to remove my own eyes with a spork. One guy on Geek2Geek actually used the phrase "butter troll" to describe the disgusting creatures he wishes to avoid. How charming of him. I imagine a butter sculpture of a Scandinavian boogeyman. Well, it would be Scandinavian butter, which is pretty high-quality stuff. I hope that guy is killed in a bizarre accident involving a four-hundred-pound sculpture made out of cheap margarine. My reaction to his ad was to start off my own Geek2Geek profile with a warning that men allergic to fat women should hit the back button immediately lest they go into anaphylactic shock.

I think these guys have some deep, atavistic fear that fat women want to cook and eat them. Personally, I believe they are flattering themselves. They are probably not fit to eat. Not even with extensive marinating. No amount of garlic could mask the nasty aftertaste of self-righteousness and entitlement.